from the lizard's mouth

Biking "Everest" - in Southern MN

2008-05-27T00:26:00.003-05:00

302 miles of joy, pain, excitement, anger, euphoria, frustration, and faith...3 days on two wheels...God...is...AMAZING.

It WAS insanity. And maybe even a joke. But you have to watch who you're joking around - someone just might take you seriously.

That's how I and six others ended up riding across southern MN...on bikes. 302 miles worth of MN. In three days.

When we started training...I wondered if we'd ever make it...or at least wondered if I'd make it. 10 miles was a struggle...hills seemed impossible at times. But then it got a little easier, and then we went a little farther...but still, even a 40 mile ride is nothing compared to 300. There was really no way to know if our bodies could handle it.

We watched the weather every day, constantly checking with one another...wondering what we'd have those three days. First it was rainy. Then sunny. Then windy...or stormy. By the day before, we were still looking at a cold and rainy first day, and chances of thunderstorms the second two. And, we'd originally planned on riding west to east. The wind was supposed to be strong. And...out of the east southeast.

So, we adapted. Our starting point shifted from the South Dakota border to Spring Valley - so that we could ride with the wind the first two days, each 100+ miles. We would go from Spring Valley to Fairmont, from Fairmont to the South Dakota border, and then from Spring Valley to La Crosse, Wisconsin. We'd still cover the whole span, just not all in the same direction.

We loaded up gear and bikes on Thursday night, and met at 6:30 on Friday morning to leave for our starting point. It was chilly, but not unbearable, and though it had rained a bit the night before, it was holding off for the morning. We got loaded, took off, and found an intersection to start at. Air pressure was checked, helmets and riding gloves put on, energy bars stashed in pockets, water bottles filled. And off we went...up a hill for starters.

Borning Cry...

2008-05-14T08:52:00.003-05:00

"I was there to hear your borning cry, I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized, to see your life unfold.
I was there when you were but a child, with a faith to suit you well;
In a blaze of light you wandered off, to find where demons dwell."

"When you heard the wonder of the Word, I was there to cheer you on;
You were raised to praise the living Lord, to whom you now belong.
If you find someone to share your time, and you join your hearts as one,
I'll be there to make your verses rhyme, from dusk 'till rising sun."

In the middle ages of your life, not too old, no longer young,
I'll be there to guide you through the night, complete what I've begun.
When the evening gently closes in, and you shut your weary eyes,
I'll be there as I have always been, with just one more surprise."

"I was there to hear your borning cry, I'll be there when you are old.
I rejoiced the day you were baptized,to see your life unfold."

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I woke up with this song in my head this morning, though I can't find a reason as to why. I haven't heard it recently - I guess I could have dreamt it...if I did, I don't remember.

Then, I decided to open up my devotion book...for the first time in months. This is what I found...

Praying to Die Well

Many people say, "I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying." This is quite understandable, since dying often means illness, pain, dependency, and loneliness.

The fear of dying is nothing to be ashamed of. It is the most human of all human fears. Jesus himself entered into that fear. In his anguish "sweat fell to the groudn like great drops of blood" (Luke 22:44). How must we deal with our fear of dying? Like Jesus we mus pray that we may receive special strength to make the great passage to new life. Then we can trust that God will send us an angel to comfort us, as he sent an angel to Jesus.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

What am I supposed to think? Ever since the last time I visited Russ at the hospital, I haven't been able to get him and what he said out of my mind...about his writing the piece for the Lenten journal... and the fact that I've now tried to visit him twice since, and he's been sleeping. I don't know what I'm supposed to think...or do...

Into your hands we commend our spirits... Amen.

2008-05-11T07:59:00.002-05:00

Mark 12:34 - "When Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, 'You are not far from the kingdom of God.' After that no one dared to ask him any question."

"I've got it!" The lightbulb truly came on for the scribe that appears in this story - after all, to be told by Jesus that you are not far from the kingdom of God - can you even imagine? It seems like it was often a rarity for someone to grasp Jesus' teachings...or at least to grasp them to this extent.

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Luke 12:34 - "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Wow...

Come to the water...

2008-05-09T14:15:00.006-05:00

So, I decided a couple days ago that I really need to work on my personal faith life more than I have been. Working in a church can be a challenge in that respect - it is easy to feel like you're getting your fill of faith when you're inside the walls of a church the bulk of your day - but sometimes I think it's the opposite - we spend so much time "doing" church that we forget to experience it.

Now, for a tangent - I was over at a friend's house the other day and told them a random fact about me - for the last, oh, at least six years, I have a habit of seeing the numbers 1234 together...whether it's the time on a clock, a score on a scoreboard, a price, those stickers that come on clocks before you buy them with a pre printed time, getting phone calls and e-mails at that time...etc. For instance, I was buying some books online today, and this particular site offers a discount on certain books when you buy others - and one of the books was available for the lovely price of $12.34. So I bought it...figuring maybe there's a reason I noticed that.

...so, to return to my point...I decided one way of adding a little more Bible study in a fun way back to my daily routine, I'd start at the beginning of the Bible and look up a few 12:34 verses each day - turns out Genesis doesn't have one, but Exodus does, so that's where I'm starting.

I'll post some thoughts here each day when I do them along with other random thoughts that might be going through my head. Enjoy.

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Exodus 12:34 - "So the people took their dough before it was leavened, with their kneading bowls wrapped up in their cloaks on their shoulders."

- This verse appears immediately following Pharaoh's command for the Israelites to leave Egypt, after the plague of the firstborn has occurred. Everyone seems to be in a bit of a frenzy here...the Egyptians because many of them have just lost their firstborn children, the Israelites because suddenly they were free from the Egyptians - after 430 years of bondage. The Israelites left quickly - so quickly, in fact, that they had to take their dough before it had risen - they literally picked up and left.

I can't imagine what must have been going through the Israelite's heads...disbelief, amazement, gratefulness, confusion. Not only were they finally free of their oppressors, but they were also allowed to plunder the Egyptians before they left, taking gold and silver and other trinkets.

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1 Chronicles 12:34 - "Of Naphtali, a thousand commanders, with who there were thirty-seven thousand armed with shield and spear."

Part of David's army, who came to Hebron to help turn the kingdom of Saul over to him. Not sure what to make of this one yet...

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Ezra 12:34 - "Judah, Benjamin, Shemaiah, and Jeremiah,"

Folks who were at the dedication of the city wall in Jerusalem. Again, more on this later.

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Matthew 12:34 - "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good things, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."

The abundance of the heart. This one might need some more thought - the first direction my mind went is an interesting one - what fills our hearts and causes them to have the abundance of one thing or another?

I wonder about kids sometimes these days, and how difficult their lives seem to be. I can think of a handful in my own youth group that are consistently "exceedingly boisterous" - and give those who lead them in things like confirmation a run for their money. However, get one of them alone for a few minutes, away from influences and others to impress...and suddenly you see another side of them...someone who can carry on a conversation, someone who simply wants to be heard...or better yet, listened to.

What is filling them at home? I don't know most of their families, at least not well. I don't know them well enough to know what they are being filled with, or what they are allowing themselves to be filled with (the two are very different - some parents try again and again to break through the tough shells of some kids, and just haven't found the right tool to do so) - very different from a parent who is distant, a parent who is absent, or a parent who is there...but may be abusive, or simply unable to offer the care and love that is needed for one reason or another.

"Out of the abundance of your heart the mouth speaks..." - Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees here - speaking to them in a parable about a tree being known by its fruit - clearly a bad tree cannot produce good fruit, it will produce bad fruit. He continues to tell them that one day they will have to account for all that they have done - that they will either be condemned or justified by their words.

We know that by grace we are saved from our own shortcomings...but can a person whose heart is full of evil, of pain, of anger, or of hopelessness fully understand that grace? If our heart's abundance is one of these things, can we feel God's grace?

I ask this question because I think hearts that understand and are full of the Grace of God are the ones that speak love and good deeds - after all, how can someone who has seen death and come back from it not know the glory that life holds? We have been rescued from our own condemnation, and lived to tell the tale!! We want to tell about it! We want to share it! We want others to understand...

...more later...I need more time to process....

Kallie's thoughts

2008-05-08T15:48:00.002-05:00

hi jennyfer

Sermon and other musings...

2008-05-08T15:21:00.002-05:00

April 6, 2008

On the road to Emmaus...Luke 24:13-35

We had hoped - fragility
We did have hope, but...
De's have been De-feated.

Unknown Date - Nicodemus

I don't think it's a coincidence that I ended up here - at a place called Grace. I don't think too many places I could have ended up after Olivet...the mountain top experience...could have fit me as well as this place did....as it does...

Take that heart home with you and do something with it.

Unknown Date - The Greatest Seeker of All

Seek Ye first - during lent - with Alleluia - hehehe...

How do you live in and live out your baptism?
Not repaired, but made new -
We are new vessels

Unknown Date - Healing Sunday

If we know who holds the final hour, we don't need to be anxious about the next moment.
There is a balm in Gilead, to heal the sin sick soul

Unknown date -

Not think less of yourself, think of yourself less.
Inviting others in - what this world needs

Cafe story - soup that tasted like communion bread and wine -
ELW 641

Unknown Date - Pastor Steve

Gospel - Matthew 3:13-17 - Jesus Baptized by John
Such An Outh of the Ordinary Man

Children's sermon - Graduation - you work really hard at something , and if you get most of it right, you get to go on

At graduation, you put this hat on, and put the tassel like this, then you get handed the piece of paper and move the tassel - does she look smarter now?

No, not really -

Lunch on the Word - May 6 2008

John 7:37-39

Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink - Out of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water" - parallels between this and the verses were Jesus says, I am in the Father and the father is in me - we are able to lift others up with living water

Accepting something mentally -

Servant's entrance - out into the real world
Naming and claming the Holy Spirit - which come's first?

If We are the Body - Stained Glass Masquerade

Where are we being led?

"mission" oriented

What strikes you?

Where the Heart Remains...

2008-03-21T21:54:00.003-05:00

Good Friday.

It's such a ridiculous name...how can anything good come from the horrific death of an innocent man?

But that's just it...it did. Our salvation, our lives, our freedom. Grace poured down from the heavens like rain, like the drops of blood that ran down the forehead of the man who gave more than even He could have given.

***Author's note:

I was going back through my blog today, just looking at some of the stuff I had written over the past couple years, and also taking a peek at drafts I had started and not finished. Odd that I would find this one...one year later on Good Friday...

Let the little children come to me...

2008-01-18T00:44:00.000-06:00

I'm a bad mother.

And I don't even have any kids...unless you count the scaly yellow and black spotted one...well, I call her my baby.

She's a leopard gecko.

And I failed up until a few days ago to buy her food...for about the last three weeks.

Now, before you go calling PETA on me, she wasn't starving to death. She's a chunky little thing...and in all honesty, should probably be hibernating right now.

I wish she could talk...then I would have been more willing...guilted...but still...to hurry up and provide for her. Or even if she could make a sound at all...if she could whine...or cry...

It's easy to ignore something when it doesn't make a sound.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

I thought about this...my coworker was giving me grief about the same thing (my lizard lives in my office, you see) - and he said, 'I hope you're not a mother anytime soon' - to which I replied, 'yeah, but at least they make noise when they're hungry...'

There's a deeper meaning in all of this...it really is easy to ignore things when they don't make a sound...people in need, for instance. Silenced by pride, fear, or even a simple lack of someone to turn to. It's easy for us to ignore the person sitting next to us in the cubicle - in the seat behind us at the soccer game, in the pew next to us at church when we don't know what they need...or that they even have a need.

It's a little harder to ignore when we are asked to help. We feel guilty - or at least we should - when we know there is a need that should be filled...and we have the means to fill it and don't. Oh sure, we're good at turning our guilt off...but, it's still there. Mostly.

So, whose fault is it, then? It's 'their' fault, of course - why don't they just speak up and ask? Maybe, just maybe, the question should be, why aren't we listening more closely, paying more attention? Why don't we take time to look, to search, to offer...

We know how difficult it is to ask for help...

How hard it is to offer help...

How simple it is to overlook...

How much we need to offer...

Coming Back...

2007-12-30T18:43:00.000-06:00

Dr. House: "She has God inside her - it would have been easier if she'd had a tumor."

Dr. Wilson: "Maybe she's allergic to God..."

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Sister Augustine: "Celebrate and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again..."

Dr. Chase: "The prodigal son..."

Sister Augustine: "He'll be waiting for you, when you're ready..."

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Tucked in a corner...

2007-08-28T10:01:00.000-05:00

Short story - take it for what you will.

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I turn my head, crane my neck, strain to hear the faintest music I've ever heard. Someone has to be playing it - oh - maybe it's just the church bells down the street.

It's ironic - if it's the church bells, that is. I was there last week...I'm not sure why. It had been a while, and I remembered why it had been that long. No one notices when you never come. Well, until you come back, anyway. I had wandered through the doors the day before I came to the church service - had found them open and walked into the sanctuary. Light was streaming through the windows, but it was empty. Totally devoid of life - and something in that image reverberated so deeply through my own body that I felt I had to return the next day. Any attachment I had ever felt to that building and its people had disappeared years ago. But I still came back...

People don't care when you leave - I don't think they ever really saw anything in me anyhow. Just some less than well dressed throwback. They all tried so hard - well, some of them did - to hide the stares that burned into the back of my head. I saw.

But no one ever asks questions. They just assume. No one cares about history - life stories - failed attempts at love - failed attempts at life. I wasn't always like this - but life really doesn't care about the before, about the once was, about the used to be. Only people do.

I came back, stood, watched people smiling around me. It's just as well - the only story people ever want to hear is their own. I wish I could hear mine - it's been a while. Instead, it remains trapped inside my head - the only place it's ever known - the one place I wish it would leave. I sit here at my desk - yeah, I do have one.

But you wouldn't know that. It's not part of your story. The church bells are gone now - or whatever music it was. Maybe I was imagining it. Or maybe I just really wanted to have heard it...

Author unknown...

2007-08-23T14:45:00.000-05:00

Not a normal post...but there is something haunting about it that I just can't shake...

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I don’t know what’s left.

I can’t tell what’s going through his head. “The leader meeting was the only impassioned thing I did yesterday!” he said after not being able to recall the other meetings, the worship…

“You can’t look at one day and write the rest off as worthless.”

I was in a room with him, the kids were there, and there were beds off to one side. The room looked something like our gym at camp. The youngest boy was there with his dad…I’d been asleep and had woken up. I spent part of the night listening to Father “teaching” son how to put things into the computer, but really, he was talking to himself. He was talking out loud to himself, I think to convince his mind, and his heart, that the decisions he was making were real…and were right. I’d woken up and had walked past the room they were sitting in – his wife was across the hall.

I know things aren’t right – but I also don’t know what I can do. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him speak his mind in front of his colleagues.

Damn you, Mr. Ed.

Oh yeah – then there were the rats…tons of them in cages like we were in one of the animal barns at the fair. There were chickens too – and a little palomino horse that was trying her damndest to get away. The janitor sat there watching. Knowing that what was going on wasn’t the way it should have been, but refusing to help any more than was necessary to keep chaos from setting in. The mother of the girl with the horse got up when the little mare started to panic and the janitor turned with an “I told you so” smirk of sorts on his face – but there was sadness there too. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen those two emotions together before. Is that what guarded contempt means?

And there was a storm. We were at a camp again – part of the youth there were my canoe kids, and three other younger kids – the pastors kids - were there too. I remember having each of their hands…edged up against the wall as the wind howled – when we’d looked out minutes before, there were at least three tornadoes headed straight for us. We sat and the wind got louder, the ground shook – I told the kids to put their hoods up, and I honestly thought that I was going to die. We were alright though – even after two rounds of it. I think I remember watching some of the walls in front of us fall.

And then, a roll of thunder pierced the silence of the cloudy morning, and I rolled over in bed. It was 8:11.

I will not make the same mistake that you did…

What have we become...

2007-08-15T13:55:00.000-05:00

The week begins. You walk into the bathroom only to find that the bottle of shampoo that was full two days before is almost empty, not to mention lying in the bottom of the shower. You know who did it, go find them and yell at them, and they don't care. Then, you go tell your parents - who roll their eyes and shrug it off...making you even more incensed. Clearly, they don't care about your plight...and like your good for nothing brother more than you.

Now, all of this would be fine if the siblings in question were ten and twelve. But when they're both in their mid twenties...well...that's another story altogether. What is the parent supposed to think when their 24 year old daughter comes to them whining that their older brother (they both still live at home) stole something of theirs? I know parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, but there comes a time when you really just have to let them "fight their own battles." The parents see the potential (however well masked) in both of their children, but what did they do wrong that they haven't yet succeeded in raising a self sufficient child?

Our Hearts and Prayers Go Out...

2007-08-02T18:45:00.000-05:00

So, I am sure there are hundreds of other people that decided to post a blog entry about the collapse of the I-35W bridge. It is a tragedy of unbelievable proportions. As I sat watching the news last night and keeping up with the constant updates on various websites, I couldn't help but be transported back to 9/11 and watching the events unfold on the TV. While this tragedy wasn't as big and didn't affect as many people, news of it still traveled across the country at magnificent speed, and it still shocked thousands. The 50 cars that now sit in the Mississippi serve as reminders of those who managed to survive the collapse, and also serve as reminders of those that are still missing.

It is an amazing thing to hear the stories of those that wasted no time in rushing to the aid of those around them. The internet and news are flooded with stories of modern day heroes that pulled victims up on the banks, sat with those waiting for help, and risking their lives to get others out of harm's way. It is also amazing to hear the stories of those who had close calls - who had driven over the bridge moments before its collapse, or those who just happened to choose alternate routes or who had car troubles that may have seemed troublesome at the time, but meant that they were kept just far back enough that they missed that fateful moment. I think it is also a miracle in and of itself that the bridge was under construction at all - the tragedy could have claimed twice as many victims if the entire bridge had been open.

However, many did not. Many were affected, injured, and even killed as the bridge fell 64 feet to the river. Some families are still waiting to find loved ones - and with no way of knowing how many cars were on the bridge or who was in them, it is a wild goose chase as hours pass and the search slowly changes from one for survivors to one for the bodies of the victims still trapped under the wreckage.

So, as the president prepares to come to Minneapolis, as the mayors and senators speak words in an attempt to console those affected and to move forward despite the recent events, and as the community, state, and country try to wrap their minds around what has happened, I can't help but feel that this is another reminder of those tragic hours we spent watching the twin towers collapse. It may not have been an act of terrorism, but it doesn't take someone trying to hurt others for awful things to happen. We pull together and look for ways to support our neighbors. We pray, and we hope that we can come to accept and understand that we live in a world where evil exists, yet still believe that hope and renewal are present for us as well.

So our hearts do go out to those affected by this tragedy - may our prayers and kind thoughts encircle those who are in pain, and support those who risked their lives to help. God bless them.

For Granted...

2007-07-31T15:43:00.000-05:00

I am so blessed.

I grew up in a home where there was always food on the table.
I have eaten too much (many, many times).
I have been angry at my parents (because they kept me from doing things that would hurt me).
I had pets growing up.
I got to go to school.
I was forced to do my homework.
I had lots of toys (but didn't get everything I wanted).
I went to church almost every Sunday.
I went to college.
I sometimes buy things I don't need.
I always have just enough money leftover for the things I do need.
I have a cell phone.
I can call my parents whenever I want.
I have a bed.
I have a microwave.
I have a car.
I can change my clothes five times before I decide what I'm going to wear.
I can look in my fridge and decide nothing looks good, then order a pizza.
I can drive down the road and pick up a gallon of milk.
I have too many blankets.
My parents still make me call sometimes to tell them I made it home alright.
I've been overseas.
I've traveled to 18 different states.
I had to to homework until 2am some nights while I was in college.
I can run.
My friends are only a phone call away.
I get to teach kids about God.
I can go to church on Sunday morning.
I've thrown away food.
I've eaten an apple that I picked off a tree.
I've seen a moose in the wild.
I have seen more beautiful sunsets than I can remember.
I have drank water that came from a gorgeous lake in the boundary waters.
I had to pay $106 for a doctor visit.
My computer had to get fixed a month after I bought it.
I have five lakes within walking distance that I can swim in.
I woke up this morning.
I can flip through the channels on my TV and not find anything to watch.
I have air conditioning in my car, my office, and my apartment.
I have a car, an office, and an apartment.

Hey all. If you happen to read this post and make it this far, I would like to request that you post a comment and add your own list. It should be things that you are able to/have to/get to do that may seem insignificant, but are little reminders of just how lucky and fortunate you are. God Bless - pass it on.

Afterthoughts...

2007-07-22T13:32:00.000-05:00

So, I'm home now, I've been home for three full days, I've been back to church, and more or less back to normal (although I still haven't had a full day back at work - soon). It was strange how long it seemed to take to reacclimate myself to normal life this time - I have done my fair share of wilderness and camping trips, although this one could perhaps win the prize for most rustic for the longest amount of time. Is it having lived a very simple life with so few people for a full week, or is it having been gone the bulk of the month of July on vacation and trips? I'm still not really sure about that one.

Life at home seems more or less on a regular track...I have spent most of the last three days holed up in my apartment though...partly out of laziness, partly out of wanting to read (and finish...YAY!) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I think I spent 5 hours today finishing it...give or take...at least 4 hours. Now I wait for others to finish so I can actually talk about it to them. Bah.

Tomorrow (well, today I suppose as it is 12:30am) is my first full day back to work...should be a quiet week. I will be tying up loose ends from the canoe trip, answering e-mails, and getting reorganized so I can start thinking about the upcoming school year a bit more. I head off - again - the end of this week for a couple days, as there are kids at Good Earth Village Camp this week, and I want to make an appearance there. Then I think the last big thing I should have for the summer is a personal trip to the Twin Cities for a weekend for a music festival with some friends.

I have a sermon to get ready for this weekend, which I am excited for despite the fact that I really haven't put a ton of thought into it up to this point. I know that the text is on the Lord's Prayer, and also contains the ask-seek-knock passage that is so familiar (and is one of my favorites). I'm excited to start reading through the commentaries, as I already have some vague ideas in my head about where I want to go with it, again, strange, as I haven't read the text in close to a month. So we'll see.

As far as thoughts on the trip now that my brain has had time to process...I think I have to call it largely a success. Wilderness trips are not without their struggles and difficulties, and I think we handled ourselves pretty well. Talk about the trip seems positive, and I think the kids came back with the feeling that each of them did things they wouldn't have considered themselves capable of doing. In my book, that's positive. I think very few trips occur where there is no drama, so all in all...yeah. It was good.

Build me up, Buttercup.

Readjusting - part 3

2007-07-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

Tuesday - This is where I stopped keeping a regular journal, so this is mostly going to be from memory. The girls were getting tired, and over the course of the day, it was pretty evident that we needed some time for the girls to just unwind and relax. It was our second longest paddle, from Spice to Ogish, to Jasper, to Alpine, and to the west edge of Seagull, where we would be spending the bulk of our time. We got to camp relatively early, so we had lots of time to cool down and chill. We swam for a while, and then had mandatory nap/quiet time, and then did some solo time. Our campsite was amazing - the one corner of it was a big rock, and the GL was a good quarter mile from the main campsite. We had our quiet time, and got to think about what it means to listen for God's call, what joys come from it, and what struggles come from it. Here is what I wrote: (I think I'm better at writing than speaking.)

Listening for God is more than sitting in a room by yourself waiting for Him to come to you. Instead, it is a willingness to open yourself up to the possibility that God is present where we are. It means changing our perspectives and accepting the reality that we are already instruments of God - able and ready to do His work.

Listening to God means accepting responsibility when we feel ourselves being directed toward a need that must be filled. It means being willing to step outside our comfort zone and realize that we must fill the need whether we have the gifts to fill it or not.

Joy in the calling comes when we find ourselves strengthened to the point where we are able to fulfill our calling. God makes us capable of rising to the challenge if we only believe we can.It is easy to become overwhelmed when we look at the tasks set before us. However, what can be even more frightening is realizing we are able, or even willing, to rise to the challenge of a need that we know we cannot fill alone. Yet we still feel an undeniable need to do so. We are frightened by what we might discover, and come to realize that we have not been living to our full potential.

Look at the ripples that your foot creates when you step into a great body of water. Only then can you begin to understand the extent to which God is able to use you. Your actions will reach far beyond what you would imagine possible.

Finishing reading to the group was a lot of stares and "wow's", I guess I kinda thought that might happen, but I really felt called to say it, even though I wasn't looking for praise. I spent my solo time away from everyone else, down the shore farther on a rock away from the group.

One of my favorite metaphors was one Laura made - the picture of silence as a pregnant woman, then something beautiful is birthed of it. Bonhoeffer had a lot to say about silence too, and often mentioned that some of the most beautiful and profound sayings came out of silence.

The evening was a glorious but tense one - bipolar, if you will. Supper, or part of supper was not received well by the group - Mac n cheese, fry bread (a different kind), carrots, and cheesecake. Everyone ate the mac and cheese, but the fry bread was rejected, as was the cheesecake. That led to a lot of argument and frustration on the part of the girls and the leaders, and our lactose intolerant and milk allergic leaders ended up eating most of the things that had milk in them. Yikes. We headed that night after bringing our supper with us up to watch the sun set, responded to by one of the girls by saying, "what, it's just a bunch of clouds and sun..." It really was gorgeous though. We finally finished out the evening, and began the journey to what would be probably the most difficult day of the trip.

Wednesday - Rock climbing day. We began the morning on the wrong foot...a lot of arguments and complaints about the breakfast for the day...malt o meal. No one wanted to eat it, which frustrated the leaders yet again, and the girls...what a way to start the day. After many arguments and eventually packing out two cups of the stuff, we were on our way. We cruised over to find a campsite, and after unsuccessfully checking some of them, we ended up back at the first one we stopped at, and then packed our day bag for rock climbing. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves there, and were challenged and pleased with their success. We got back to camp, washed off a bit, and then the leaders headed off for water. It looked like rain, so our job was to set up camp and get things taken care of.

This was the testing night. I was left with the group of girls to set up camp, and one of our number didn't like that idea. So, after an interesting talk and some exchanged words, we went on in silence. It took the better part of an hour, but we eventually got things squared away, and the girls got the night off...acting like nothing had happened. Laura and Maren and I opted to make supper ourselves so as not to create more drama, and it was a WONDERFUL night. I got a chance to bond with the leaders and laugh some, and so did the girls. We spent a long time staring at a 5 legged grasshopper, a dragonfly nymph skeleton, and the water. Sunset that evening was amazing, and we spent the better part of an hour on a rock talking before the mosquitos took over. It was a good end to the evening, and we went to bed with the knowledge that it could be a very early morning - watching sunrise at the Palisades...which meant getting up and packing up camp at 4am. Ew.

Thursday - the final day. We ended up not getting up that early, it was pretty cold and looked cloudy. We got up around 5 and packed up camp, and then headed back for our last paddle. Back at camp around 7:45, we unloaded packs and canoes, cleaned them, and after a few more quarrels, finished our work. We scrubbed canoes, liners, and packs, put lifejackets and paddles away, and then took our gear up to the brigades. We packed some, took showers, and did debriefing, then went to the camp store. After many long goodbyes, lots of pictures, lots of laughs, and a surprise candy bar present :) , we loaded up and departed...a bittersweet end to the trip.

We stopped in Grand Marais for a pizza lunch at Sven and Ole's, and then headed for the journey home. It was pretty uneventful, and we were all happy to be on our way back to our homes and beds. Everyone seemed to have had a wonderful week despite the polarity of reactions and comments that came out of it, and comments of "I rock climbed FOR REAL this week" and "I learned how to portage a canoe!" and "I saw six moose!" were heard throughout the SUV.

It was a wonderful, stressful, beautiful, tiring, growing, unbelievable week.

And I even made it home without being tired. (Then I crashed...and probably slept more in two days than I did all week.) :)

Readjusting - part two

2007-07-22T08:27:00.000-05:00

Sunday - Day one out on the trail. We woke up bright and early for breakfast on our own that morning (cold cereal, rolls, and apples), and got ready to head off. We brought our packs down, put our extra stuff in the brigades, and got fitted with life jackets and paddles. We headed down to the beach for some paddling exercises, and then learned how to portage the canoes together (the group was really good at this!). After learning a bit about the Boundary Waters themselves, we loaded up, got our paddling buddies, and took off. Oh yeah! I almost forgot - another had joined our number - Maren. She was volunteering for a few weeks, and because we had a smaller group, she came along with us. After a slow start as we learned how to stern and bow the boats, we cruised on to our first campsite, one of the longest paddles we would have on the trip. The route for the day consisted of heading across Seagull, the biggest of the lakes we would be in (and the one that camp is located on), then on to Alpine, Jasper (where we stopped for lunch), Kingfisher (the puddle jumper!), and Ogish, where we stayed the first night. Tensions were high that first day as the girls tried their hand at paddling and portaging for the first time, our first ratings for the trip (one at a three out of 10), and some tears and frustration at the other members of the group. I think most of that was just simply an adjustment to the difficulties of canoeing after a couple days of very laid back camp life. (On a side note - I, who had never before solo portaged a canoe before, did it FOUR times that day! The guides couldn't believe I'd never done it before...go me!!)

We survived though, and made it to our campsite, where we set up and then enjoyed the water for a while. One of our girls decided to try the lifejacket diaper style, which entertained all of us for a long time - between her looking like a flower or some strange bug, and watching her try and get out of the lifejacket while she was still in the water, we spent a long time laughing and snorting until our bellies hurt.

Evening meal was chicken and dumplings, probably the most successful out of the week's meals, and the one where we worked most as a group. Chicken mess, buiscuit like fry bread, and brownies for dessert. We ate like queens and cleaned our plates. We cleaned up, had a bit of a rainshower, and did Last Word sitting together on a rock in the water, ending the evening in silence. A couple crabby girls, some challenges to the authority, and a night of cramps for me, and we made it to morning.

Monday - A gorgeous morning. I sat on a rock by shore for a while and watched minnows eating water bugs, listened to loons calling, and peered up at a cloudless blue sky. It was another adventure, of course.

It was an easy paddle on Tuesday, as we didn't have very far to go. We got up, packed up camp, and made breakfast of pancakes and applesauce. It was a bit of a tense morning, but nothing we couldn't handle. We got back on Ogish and headed to Spice Lake, just a teeny lake off the north shore of Ogish. We set up camp, which was easily one of the more exciting parts of the day - as we were setting up our tents, Laura came over and started making wild motions at us to be quiet and follow her - our setting up had startled a mother and two baby moose into the water, and we watched them swim across the lake. Soooo cool. We also saw two of the biggest spiders I've ever seen on a log along shore, and a frog, and some strange tube creature...not sure what that one was. Then, almost immediately after packing a day bag, and headed for Eddy Falls in two canoes, 4 people each. The route for the day was Spice, Ogish, Annie, Jenny, and across part of Eddy Lake - the falls was between South Arm Knife lake and Eddy. We ate lunch by the falls, and then hopped into the water, cold, but very refreshing. We played for a long time in the pools, splashing, showering, walking around, and snapping pics. Everyone was at an 8 or better - some even at 10's.

We headed back and did a silent paddle and two silent portages, where I learned how to do a two person lift without talking. We headed for Ogish and met some fishermen on the way to the "Jesus Rock" - a rock that just broke the surface of the water right in the middle of the lake. When Laura asked them where they were from, they said southern MN, crazy. But, where in southern MN? FAIRMONT. Weird. A Franzen, and a Makala or something like that - what are the odds!?! We talked to them for a while, they took our picture, and we headed back to camp. We picked tent groups and put on dry clothes and then started supper. Only a couple outbursts from one of the girls this time, otherwise, a fairly calm evening. Supper was stroganoff, hashbrowns, and no bake cookies. We rounded out the night with back rubs and did Hot Seat. then, off to bed.

Alright, in an effort not to have this post be all you can see on my page, I'm going to break this up again, and start with Tuesday on the next post.

Readjusting...

2007-07-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

Two days after returning from the boundary waters, and it still feels strange to be back in civilization. I can't remember feeling like this the last time I took a trip of this sort, perhaps because it was too long ago, or perhaps because this is one of the longest stints I've done in one shot of very rustic camping. I am beginning to understand Laura's comments about it being hard to remember to flush toilets (neither the camp, and defininitely not the campsites, have flush toilets, they're all latrines and GL's (government latrines - wall-less latrines). And I can't imagine doing that for a summer, I noticed a culture shock after one week. It makes me want to experience that way of life for longer - there is something powerful about realizing how little one can actually live on.

Now some more background - I just spent the last seven days in the boundary waters northwest of Grand Marais, MN, with a small group of girls on an adventure trip. We left last Friday and returned on Thursday - it's going to feel weird to go back to work tomorrow and again on Tuesday. I'm going to do my best to tell the story of the trip here, and recap each day as well as I can remember it.

Friday - I woke up at 3:50 am, my goal being to get ready, grab my last minute things, and pick up one of the girls on the way to the church to meet the rest of the crew. I left my apartment at 4:27am, picked her up, and was at the church a little after 4:30. The girls showed up one by one, and after hugs, well wishes, and a prayer, (we had packed the trailer the night before - an act of pure genious) we actually made it out of town by 5am...my goal. We watched the sun rise over I-90, and stopped in Albert Lea (our first bathroom break of many). One of the girls found a moth that entertained us for a bit, and then we embarked on 4 hours up I-35. We made it past the cities, stopped for gas and grabbed some breakfast in Wyoming, MN, and headed for Duluth. It only took us 5 hours to get there - and then we were off to Grand Marais, about another hour and a half. We stopped in Grand Marais for lunch at Subway (where I learned to back up the trailer), and then took a little time to call parents to let them know we'd made it that far, mostly because cell phone coverage was uncertain the rest of the way up, took a step into Lake Superior (captured on my digital camera), and then phoned the camp to let them know we were on our way. We took off up the Gunflint Trail, and a roadside potty stop, three moose, and an hour and 20 minutes later, we arrived at the camp as rain started to fall. We met Laura, our guide, and loaded our gear on a pontoon and ourselves into a Northland canoe, and paddled to the main camp. We gathered ourselves and our gear and headed up to our cabin - Beavertail. After claiming bunks, we headed off to Pinecliff, where we played Apples to Apples until supper, had a delicious pasta meal, and then went back to the cabin. We had Last Word that night in the form of a Bluegrass version of the Holden Evening Prayer service...bleah. A cool concept, but not well executed...the leaders didn't know the whole thing well, and none of us knew it at all. We headed back to the cabin, and chatted a little about the next morning, then heard a story about Agate the Moose, and went to bed (or at least tried...the girls weren't tired because they'd slept on the way...I, on the other hand, was exhausted after being up for close to 20 hours).

Saturday - Next morning was First Word bright and early at 7am...then breakfast, then orientation. First was Health orientation, then Nature orientation, then Swim and Swamp - where we learned how to get a flipped canoe righted and brought back to shore. We dried off and headed to lunch, ate, and then helped with dishes. We were about to start our work day (finally), but then it started to rain, so we helped out in the kitchen for a bit instead. The rain subsided after a while, so we headed up to one of the former buiding sites to clean and pick up the rubble, and after about an hour at that, it started pouring. We ran to one of the staff cabins and sat on the floor, where we ended up laughing so hard we were crying after telling stories of the previous night's excitement - one of the girls talking/walking in her sleep and looking for plug-ins that she and her sister couldn't find - and asking Laura for help. Eventually, the sun came out again, and we finished up in time to head to supper, with hopes of a dip in the lake afterwards to wash off the layers of soot and dirt that we had accumulated. Our plans changed a bit after learning we were going to do the Bluegrass worship again, so rather than a dip, we headed down to the dock to wash off faces and legs and arms instead. Then it was back to the cabin to pack, and sleep to be ready for the next morning.

Installment one...more to follow tomorrow.

Nothing Special...

2007-07-12T09:52:00.000-05:00

I jot notes down a lot as I listen to sermons on Sunday morning. Here are a few of my scribblings:

Discipleship - it sometimes means no place to hang up your hat, or even no hat to hang - in fact, you may end up hanging on a cross as [Jesus] is about to do...

Don't hide behind other people's expectations if you commit to following Jesus.

When's the last time you asked someone how their faith is today?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

If we know who holds the final hour, we don't need to be anxious about the next moment.

You are the light of the world...and of your church...

2007-07-11T17:58:00.000-05:00

Church Lighting

Several centuries ago in a mountain village in Europe, a wealthy nobleman wondered what legacy he should leave to his townspeople. He made a good decision. He decided to build them a church. No one was permitted to see the plans or the inside of the church until it was finished. At its grand opening, the people gathered and marveled at the beauty of the new church. Everything had been thought of and included.

It was a masterpiece. But then someone said, "Wait a minute! Where are the lamps? It is really quite dark in here. How will the church be lighted?" The nobleman pointed to some brackets in the walls, and then he gave each family a lamp, which they were to bring with them each time they came to worship. "Each time you are here' " the nobleman said, "the place where you are seated will be lighted. Each time you are not here, that place will be dark. This is to remind you that whenever you fail to come to church, some part of God's house will be dark."

That's a poignant story, isn't it? And it makes a very significant point about the importance of our commitment and loyalty to the church. The poet Edward Everett Hale put it like this:

I am only one,
but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something I can do.

What if every member of your church supported the church just as you do? What kind of church would you have? What if every single member served the church, attended the church, loved the church, shared the church, and gave to the church exactly as you do? What kind of church would you be?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I get something every once in a while through my e-mail called 'sermonfodder' that I believe is put together by a pastor and sent out once a week or so. Usually there is a funny story or set of quotes and then a more serious story, and this just happened to be on the last one I received.

I read through it a couple of times and found it very profound, not simply because of the image it presents, but because of how convicting it is. I am a very firm believer that a person does not truly get all they can out of their church life until they actively participate in the ministry that goes on there. That doesn't mean that they have to spend all of their free time volunteering, but simply that they take an active role in something that they have gifts in and contribute to those that they share with in the church family.

However, I also found it convicting for another reason. "What if every member of your church supported the church just as you do? What kind of church would you have? What if every single member served the church, attended the church, loved the church, shared the church, and gave to the church exactly as you do? What kind of church would you be? " This last part said almost more to me than the entire rest of the story. Though I am not a pastor, I am still a church ministry leader and play an active role in the life of the church. A couple of Sundays ago, my pastor preached a sermon and made a comment towards the end that referenced keeping people accountable for their faith. He added that sometimes it is hardest for him in that respect, because as a pastor, most people don't question his faith life on a regular basis. That really hit home for me, primarily because I have found myself so wrapped up in "doing church" that I ignore my own personal faith. That's not to say that I shut everything out, but simply that I don't take the time I should to look at and understand how the things I am seeing, doing, and hearing are impacting my own spiritual growth.

Here is a call to everyone, churched or not, leader or not - to take time for yourself. But don't stop there. Through finding ourselves, we then find out how that "self" fits in to the world around us. Take time to kindle your fire, and then add your ember into the great and glorious fire with those around you.

The week in review - back to the homeland.

2007-07-11T14:06:00.000-05:00

As I typed the title of this blog I chuckled to myself - I guess back to the homeland refers both to my heading to Fargo for the 4th and to my current perch in a Caribou coffee shop on the way back home. I spent the last days driving all over central and northern MN and ND, and oh what a glorious journey it was. The trip began with a trek to Sibley State park near New London, MN - the second annual summer camping trip with my friend and I. We camped from July 1-4th, and it was a bit soggy for most of the trip. That didn't stop us, however, from finding plenty to do and enjoying ourselves a great deal. Fishing, biking, cooking hobo dinners, spying on turkeys, getting the heck scared out of us by whatever woodland creatures were lurking in the trees surrounding our campsite - a well rounded trip. The rainy days were spent poking around Spicer, playing cards at the top of Mt. Tom, watching movies, and taking a peek at Green Lake Bible Camp, where we enjoyed tremendously the lillies planted outside the offices.

Another highlight of our camping trip trip (or mine at least...) was finding (and catching!) a skink (little somewhat snakelike lizard, for those of you who were wondering...) on a walk at a nature center we stopped at. It managed to do a pretty good job of frightening my friend, who is afraid of snakes and thought that's what she had seen, after which I went looking for said snakes and found the two reptile friends. After seriously considering the possibility of a new pet, I let the scaly visitor return to its home and went on my way.

On the morning of the 4th of July, we packed up camp and headed for Detroit Lakes, where we spent the afternoon with a friend of ours (and one of my former coworkers) and their family at a lake home. (There were a buttload of cops out that day due to the area we were in, and also the date, and I managed to get followed by an unmarked cop for the better part of a few miles.) I made good use of the water trampoline, tubes, and lake in general, and despite not putting on sunscreen (an incredibly stupid move...can we say lobster), had a wonderful time. I even got to do some waterskiing (which I hadn't done in 2 years or so), and managed to get up on the 4th try. After some lunch and goodbyes, we headed up to Fargo, dropped off our stuff, and then headed over to the park for a picnic of fried chicken. Yum. Being in the park was an adventure in itself - owing to the beautiful weather, everyone else in Fargo appeared to be there also. We staked out a spot and chowed down, and even got some dinner entertainment - a family next to us was shooting fireworks right in front of three parked cop cars - not a smart move as it is illegal within the city limits.

The fireworks that night were great - they shoot them off in Moorhead at the college - so it's basically a field and stadium full of people watching together. Some really awesome fireworks too. We rounded out the night with slushies, and headed home to bed.

I spent the last two days running around Fargo/Moorhead - getting a haircut, visiting friends, having lunch dates, helping my friend out at work, and just enjoying myself. Friday night - my last night in town, was at an amazing jazz concert put on by some of the Fargo South High kids - it was wonderful. Then, Saturday was time to go home - but not before a stop in the Twin Cities to see a friend of mine, and a stop at home to share the fudge I'd bought at the Russel Stover Outlet in Owatonna. MMmmm.

So thus ends my crazy road trip - 7 days and 850 miles later. What a ride. I think I need an oil change now...once again I've reached the miles faster than the time... :) But what a great reason to have done it.

Now, off to the Boundary Waters... :D

Hop on the boat...

2007-06-28T15:35:00.000-05:00

I had such an awesome day yesterday - rekindling an old friendship - I am constantly amazed and feel very blessed when I stumble across one of those relationships that might not be a best friend, but something clicks - you get each other - and you can be apart for months or even years, but you can get back together again and it's like you were never apart. We had coffee and talked for a long time about our lives and what's happened in the past year and a half, lots of stories, lots of change.

We went to see Evan Almighty also - definitely would recommend seeing that movie. It's very thought provoking - particularly one line when "God" is talking to Evan's wife Joan (Joan of Ark - hehe), and she is struggling with the fact that her husband seems to have lost all touch with reality - sitting in a restaurant with her kids after leaving to move in with her mother until things blow over. He asks her, "Let me ask you something: if someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience, or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If they pray for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for their family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" Her face changes - and she starts to reconsider. She had prayed for her family to get closer, and failed to see what was happening right in front of her eyes.

We always want something to be handed to us, and forget to look at what is right there - we are being given answers by God all the time, but fail to see them because we are expecting to see one specific thing. God does not work within boundaries. God does not work within time constraints. God works in ways that force us to change our attitudes and preconceived ideas about the way our lives - and life in general - are supposed to run.

A few weeks back one of my pastors preached a sermon about dead men walking - It was a play off of one of the stories where Jesus ressurects a man. Jesus had gone to a town called Nain, and ressurrected a woman's son. (Luke 7:11-17) He went on to talk about the "dead men walking" right around us every day - kids with life the life sucked out of them, young adults that walk around like zombies because society has drained them of the joy they had - they are being forced to grow up too fast and to deal with things that children shouldn't have to deal with. This happens in the church as well - things happen, and we slowly start to lose the vibrance and life that we had because we sink into ruts and keep expecting hand outs when we aren't contributing anything of our own.

Jesus didn't act out of sympathy. He didn't speak teary eyed with cliches - but rather, he calls upon his authority as God's son. We can do the same. We must act with compassion. No one deserves God's love. NO ONE. But God looks upon us with compassion - and JUST GIVES LOVE. We are to do the same thing. We must shake ourselves from our stupors that life has put us in, and move. Live. Love.

SEE THE JOY!!

He Touched Me - Hymn

Shackled by a heavy burden, 'neath a load of guilt and shame,
Then the hand of Jesus touched me, and now I am no longer the same.

He touched me, oh He touched me.
And oh, the joy that fills my soul,
Something happened and now I know,
He touched me and made me whole.

Since I met this blessed Savior, since He cleansed and made me whole,
I will never cease to praise Him, I'll shout it while eternity rolls.

He touched me, oh He touched me.
And oh, the joy that fills my soul,
Something happened and now I know,
He touched me and made me whole.

Amen. SEE THE JOY!!

A Day in the Life...numero cuatro

2007-06-21T23:31:00.000-05:00

I almost am not sure even what to put here for today - it's been amazing. I had so much fun at dinner tonight - an hour and a half long "conversation" with the counselors and Mitsu and Alli that had us all rolling - evil elmo, dancing monkeys with bright pants, and the peanutbutterjelly time banana doing the salsa in people's brains. Add that to conversations about special brownies, songs about photoshopping love, and other random episodes, I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. It was wonderful. This week has been such a great thing for me - and I am so glad I let myself enjoy the time I spent here...or at least got my mind off work enough to enjoy it.

Tonight was the mime that the staff puts on...and I found that the prevailing thought in my head was one that centered around wanting to feel the joy and fire that those who come to know Christ through adversity feel. We truly do have it easy, and I don't think I know what it really means to thirst for God the way they do. I want that feeling, I want that renewed passion and hope that I feel like I've lost some of. It was beautiful and thought provoking, a wonderful end to the week.

We spent part of the afternoon watching the weather and trying to see if it was going to storm on us - turns out all we really got was a lot of wind and a few drops of rain. I got up early enough this am to see the sunrise - it was gorgeous and I got a few beautiful pictures of it also. I ran into Mitsu on the way back and got to talk to him a bit, got my tye dye back, and headed up to staff devo time. That was also really cool...Pastor Alan talked about what it meant to be a water bearer for Christ - and that we may not get to see all of the changes that take place because of the miracles that are performed, but we do get the privilege of knowing that miracles are happening. The story of 4 funerals and a wedding, and the two weddings...Isaac's wife, and the wedding at Cana. We are truly blessed to be asked to carry out God's work, though it may be difficult at the time, the things we learn from taking part are unbelievable.

Tomorrow I go home, and I pray now and continually that I am able to take some of my excitement back. This truly was an amazing week that I got to share with incredible new friends...Camp is indeed a spirit filled place...Praise God for it.

A Day in the Life...numero tres

2007-06-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

So, I am ready for bed and I learn that my parents and grandparents are both under severe thunderstorm warnings AND tornado warnings...ugh...I am really hoping it's all just a scare...I just got done saying this evening that I was bummed that I haven't seen a tornado before, but I always put the tag on it that I don't want it to be coming anywhere near me... the same is true of my family. Yikes.

This post is late, and while it is true that I technically missed a day, it was only by 5 minutes. I really had a lot going through my mind today - a lot about people. The arts and crafts/drummer guy here at camp has been on my mind...and what his life is like below the surface. He's known around camp as something of a crazy presence, which he is, but I have to wonder sometimes what and who he is when the craziness isn't around - and for that matter, if people take the time to realize that there is another side to him than what they see 90 percent of the time. His history is both fascinating and and interesting, and he's been at camp here doing his thing for at least 15 years. It's been so much fun to talk to him this week - he is remarkably passionate about what he does. When he plays his djembes and drums, you can tell that he is feeling the music when he plays, completley lost in it. He loves teaching arts and crafts, "hobnobing with the kiddos," etc. And just hearing his perspective on things at mealtime conversations and, I dunno, I really have a heart for him, and really hope others take the time to listen to him and to see below the surface. I'm going to miss seeing him when I leave this week...he's a great guy.

I got home Tuesday night to find that one of my camper's grandma had died. It was odd not being there for it...but when I got back Wenedady morning, she seemed alright - given the circumstances. She left not too long after lunch though, and should be back Wed. afternoon.

Yesterday was beautiful, I got a chance to hop in the lake for a bit, do some tye dyeing, and rock out to some worship songs. I also went to Bible study with my girls, which was cool and made me think (post about that to follow later) The camper talent show and camper led worship was that evening also, and despite an interesting choice of joke and some rowdy kids, it was pretty great. We left worship after being cooped up in chairs for two hours, and i was so wound up I could hardly sit still. We went down to the dock last night after dark and watched the lightning off in the distance for a while, then came back and had a conversation about the changing face of youth ministry - and what our kids really need - and how we give that to them.

I love camp.

A Day in the life...numero dos

2007-06-19T13:48:00.000-05:00

Alright, so today begins with a recap of yesterday. I am growing to love meals more and more every day - it's a chance to be with some fellow ministry folk and hear stories, crazy, funny, interesting, and well, sometimes just plain wrong. What can you do.

I got a chance to take part in some water games with one of the cabins yesterday which was a blast, and a lot of fun to see the kids work together and have a good time at it. (and our team won - WOO!) The day was good, and after supper, we did something called prayer PARTS (praise, ask, repent, thank, share) which are all different words to represent the way we pray. The overall message was good, however, I think I was a little too preoccupied by a group of kids that thought they would just not pay attention and make fun of basically the whole process. I find sometimes that I have very little patience for the "popular" crew - at least the ones who make it their business to make it known that they are indeed better than those around them. I spent half the evening watching the little cliques move around together and hardly mingle at all with the others. Sad...alas...I'm not in charge...it's not my place.

I got to spend campfire with my girls - that was a blast. I've also gotten to spend a lot of time talking to one of the other sponsors that's here that is almost my same age - it's nice to be able to hang out together. I also really like getting chances to talk to the counselors - I'm back in my element here at camp. It's fun looking at them and remembering my days at camp as a counselor - even though it seems like it was an eternity ago - not just a couple years. Your life was contained in a backpack, worship leading was second nature, being goofy is just expected almost...yeah. What a great place. I drive myself nuts though watching procedure and dynamics and different ways things are done - I think I am doomed to forever criticize the way things are done at other camps. However, I do really like this one - I really think they've got some things figured out.

I've been thinking about how much fun it would be to do something either the tail end of this summer or the beginning of next summer with the kids and doing camp out nights - fires do amazing things to kids. It brings out something in them that you just can't produce any other way - I don't know what it is. But, how cool would it be to have a bunch of kids out, do a game, then sit them down around a fire and do a Bible Study and sing songs? So simple, and yet so powerful...

This morning I got the privilege of leading the staff in a devotion for the morning, and I chose to do one out of a book called Ordinary Joy, which I found at Synod Assembly last weekend and realized it was one that I had been meaning to get. The first story in the book sets the tone for the rest of it - a conversation between a photographer and a student:

"Look closer."

"I am looking closer," I said, frustration rising in my throat. "I've been staring at this bicycle now for two hours, and all I see is a bicycle."

"Then look closer," Rich urged.

I was taking photography lessons from my friend Rich, who, in another time and place, had been a photojournalist. the key to taking interesting pictures, Rich explained, was in learning not to just look at an object, but to see it with fresh eyes, to recognize what is present but unnoticed. Rich gave me an assignment: take thirty-six pictures of the same object. Each composition had to be different, not because of a change in surroundings, but because it reflected a different point of view. Since I was a cycling enthusiast, I chose my bike.

The assignment seemed easy at first: Here's my bike from the front. this is my bike from the back, from the side, here's a view from the top...now what? This was impossible. I squeezed off about ten frames, and I was stuck. There was nothing left to see, no pictures left to take.

"Look closer."

I threw up my arms to make sure Rich knew how unreasonable he was being, again leaned in toward the bike and wondered what he could see that I was missing. "It's easy for you," I grumbled. "You've trained your eyes to recognize beauty. All I see are a few metal tubes and a couple of wheels." That's when I noticed the graphic pattern the spokes made as they flared out from the wheel hub, intersecting each other in a pattern called 'lacing.' I grabbed my camera and moved in tight for a close-up. Glancing toward the handlebars, I realized how gracefully the brake cables curved and how interesting they were from this angle. Soon I could see how bits of dirt and grease clung to the chain, creating miniature mountain ranges.

Rich taught me a fundamental principle of photography that day: Look closer. If you want to see beauty, learn to view ordinary things in new ways.

*****************************

Life's joy reveals itself not only as we encounter a Savior who weaves himself into the fabric of routine living, but as we act on his invitation to rediscover the significance of serving him in ordinary ways. The most inconsequential detail of a servant life carries with it all the power of God's grace, for Jesus transforms the ordinary things we do into something more.

"Look closer," my friend reminded me. That's pretty good advice. Rather than seeing the ordinary as something to be avoided or a source of discontent, look closer. Peer deeper. Joy arrives when you discover God's fingerprints on the surface of each day.

-Excerpted from Ordinary Joy by Joe Campeau

Now, this afternoon I am home for a while, and back again tomorrow. See the beauty. Everywhere.

A day in the life of...numero uno

2007-06-18T11:53:00.000-05:00

So, I'm off at camp. And I just decided that it would be a good idea for me to write a post every day that I'm here, since it seems that part of my coming to camp (at least in my own head) is a chance for me to be able to remove myself a bit and just have time to be, to think, to relax. I am getting there - I've still got one thing hanging over my head that is making it difficult to let go of work and of life at home, but with any luck, I'll be done with it (at least mostly done) by today, and then I can really let go.

I got to go out on a bike ride today for just a little while, and I managed to find a little beach in a state park and I walked along it in my bare feet for a while. The water was so clear - a far cry from the murky ones at home. I'm hoping that later on this afternoon if the sun comes out, maybe I can sneak away again and go for a swim.

This morning was really good, although I didn't get a chance to go for a run like I'd hoped I would. Sleep just sounded so much better... but I got up, had breakfast, and then spent the better part of an hour hanging around and talking with 4 of the other sponsors that are here at camp with their kids. We talked about books, our churches, people, all kinds of things. One of the guys that is here is originally from Australia, so it was interesting to hear some of his input on things. I am also always amused by hearing the conversations pastors have with one another - it cracks me up. Stories about church horrors, funny things that happen, crazy people, other crazy pastors - so funny to listen to. I guess that's what happens when you put a bunch of leaders in a room together - they compare. I suppose just about anyone does that though, myself included...

May the Lord bless us and keep us...no matter what...

2007-06-03T18:04:00.000-05:00

What happens when someone tells you to dream what a staff would be like if you could start over from scratch - with a blank slate - from the beginning - ? Is that even possible? Where is scratch - where is the beginning? Who should get to be a part of that process? Can those whose roles fall within the parts being redesigned accurately see what needs to be different? Can we do it without those people?

Is it even possible to wipe a slate clean? After all, it would seem that pretty much everything makes a mark these days - and often the marks are lasting. Some will fade with time, but rarely is an occurrence ever completely forgotten. And, for that matter, beginning a new era - or ending an old one - leaves a mark all its own.

**************************************************************************************

If someone would have told me that the outcome of the above scenario would have happened the way it did, I dont know if I would have believed them. I still don't know if all of it has sunk in yet...I still sort of feel like it's a dream, that the part of my life this surrounds is just locked in a haze or something. And in all honesty, it probably is kinda hazy - did it really only happen a week ago? Is that even possible? It seems unreal that it's only been a week, that it's been a week, that it even happened at all, that so little has happened since IT happened...

I've been so busy since that I've hardly had time to even deal with it - I feel like I am almost as guilty as everyone else as shoving it onto the back burner...or completely off the stovetop. I talked to one of the bearers of bad news yesterday for the first time since the deed was done, and he asked me how I was doing, and I told him that I've been so busy that I haven't really had that much time to think about it, and he replied by saying, "well, maybe that's good." All I really wanted to do was look him in the eye and go, "yeah, that's exactly it. It has gone so 'seamlessly', namely because unless I am totally wrong, the 'seamlessness' is only by virtue of the fact that HALF THE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN FREAKING KNOW ABOUT IT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still wonder if people really understand what it is they've done...

In the blink of an eye...

2007-05-01T19:39:00.000-05:00

It seems like just yesterday there was snow on the ground...and I don't know why, but today for the first time as I was looking outside...I started noticing just how green the trees were getting, and how green the grass was...I think it just took me by surprise because I am a fairly observant person...and either the trees changed overnight...or I am seriously slacking off.

You put me here for a reason
You have a mission for me
You knew my name and You called it
Long before I learned to breathe

Sometimes I feel disappointed
By the way I spend my time
How can I further Your kingdom
When I'm so wrapped up in mine

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

And though I'm living a good life
Can my life be something great?
I have to answer the question
Before it's too late

If I give the very best of me
That becomes my legacy
So tell me what am I waiting for?
What am I waiting for?

In a Blink of an eye that is when
I'll be closer to You than I've ever been
Time will fly, but until then
I'll embrace every moment I'm given
There's a reason I'm alive for a blink of an eye

The lyrics above are from a song by MercyMe called "In the Blink of an Eye." I've heard it probably 20 times at least...but I never really knew the words...especially the ones in the second verse. They do such a good job of summing up how I feel lately - Sometimes I feel disappointed,
By the way I spend my time, How can I further Your kingdom, When I'm so wrapped up in mine - I feel like I've been wasting everyone's time lately...and my own. I feel like I haven't been fair to the kids I minister to - because I haven't been putting my heart into what I'm doing. My attitude toward what I've been doing has been so selfish...I get frustrated thinking the thing I do is going to fail because I won't have enough kids at it, and then I don't plan for it well enough, and then I get frustrated at myself...it's this vicious cycle..and I need to get myself out of it.

So...what does all of that mean then? I'm not sure. #1) I can't wait until summer is here. However, my summer is crazy busy too...so I'm not sure how many of my goals and random projects I will get done. Oy. #2) I really need to look at how I am spending my time...and remember that working at a church doesn't count for keeping my own faith life in check. #3) I need to search out people that I can learn from and grow from...some that are around here.

Just another day...

Mercy and Grace...

2007-04-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

I had a chance to see something beautiful tonight. Or rather, several beautiful things. Today is Good Friday. I've always found that name so strange - since it marks the death of Jesus on a cross - a cruel, senseless death. But, it truly was, and is, a good Friday - for things do not come from nothing.

Jesus' resurrection could not have taken place if it weren't for his death. Plain and simple. It seems clear that this was the only way we could receive such a gift - though many may argue that it need not have been so gruesome.

I said earlier that I saw beautiful things today. Perhaps a better way of putting it would have been that I was made aware of the beauty of things tonight. As I sat tonight in our Good Friday service, I was in awe. I left my apartment thinking that I was already getting churched out with holy week, and by the time the choir had sung the first song of their contata, my attitude had changed. I listened to the music, heard the words of the passion story read, saw the candles going out one by one as the moment of Christ's death came closer in the reading...and found myself close to tears a few times. I saw the beauty in the way the choir sang, saw a mother brushing the hair out of her child's face, saw the beauty of a conversation with a friend. And even after the service was over, people just seemed to be very at ease - smiles and conversations were seen everywhere. And when I finally left the church...even then I found myself thinking back to different parts of the service - and of the drama I was able to witness the evening before - a last supper drama put on by men from our church - a first time shot that drew a crowd of over 700.

I catch myself thinking sometimes that I wonder if things like Easter, Lent, even Christmas at church will lose their meaning as I see them more and more. After all, within reason of course, things are the same every year - we always have a candlelight service at Christmastime. We always have a Sunrise Service on Easter. We always strip the altar on Maundy Thursday. Things like that - and yet, I feel like I would feel lost without their presence. That is because our attitudes and outlook change every year, and we see each thing with different experiences under our belts.

I have found myself in the last few years trying to go into situations like that and listening for something I haven't heard before, or paying attention to the way I feel when different things are done. I notice things I haven't noticed, and I come away with a new and deeper understanding of what is present within each piece.

Tonight's service ended when the choir sang their last song, the last candle had been extinguished, and all the lights in the church had been turned off. But, it was just before 7:30, the sun had not yet set, and sunlight was streaming through the windows, illuminating the "dark" sanctuary. For a moment, I kept hoping that at the moment that the last light was turned out, the sun would sneak behind a cloud and we would all be shrouded in darkness. However, after a moment, I came to a different understanding - it was almost as if the sun was there to say that some lights cannot be extinguished - and that even - or perhaps especially - in the moment of Christ's death, he was still present.

The light shines on.

And the darkness cannot overcome it.

That is all.

And that is everything.

Bring the Rain

2007-03-28T10:46:00.000-05:00

I sit here today at work and am having trouble focusing. Partly I think because of the weather, partly because...well, I don't know. One of my flourescent lights went out this morning, I got to listen to about 20 kids sing "If You're Happy and You Know It", and just heard someone talk about how painful childbirth is. Pretty much anything can happen or be said in a church. So, never a dull moment. It's been over a month yet again since I posted, and so much has happened that I don't even know what to talk about. I'm not generally one to use this as a "this is what my life is in detail" thing, but I don't really know what else to put. I feel like I sorta have to get all the random stuff out before I can start doing specific stuff again. So, this is what you get.

The weather has been amazing, and I've been out riding my bike a lot lately, which is awesome. I had forgotten just how much fun it is, and it's a nice way to see parts of town that I wouldn't otherwise see. Well, amazing up until the last day or two, that is...now it's supposed to rain for a week. The snow is gone though, the frass is actually turning green, and the temperatures have been anywhere from 40 to almost 80 in the past two weeks, so plenty of variety.

Lent is still going on, which means Wednesday nights at church are comprised of our confirmation kids and their mentors. I love seeing the sanctuary full of the pairs after the service is over, watching them carry on conversations, and seeing some of them there for a good half hour just talking. Who said kids and adults can't understand, and dare I say, even appreciate each other?

Palm Sunday is this weekend, Holy Week is next week, and Easter is just a week and a half away. Wow. March disappeared in the blink of an eye, and summer is remarkably close. Weird.

March was full of a lot of crazy stuff...and most of it just kinda seemed like recovering from all of the random stuff that happened in February. Things are slowly settling back down. March held a lock in, first communion, new members...my first shot at giving a sermon, lots of meetings, the first day of spring, daylight savings, a chance to meet a former pastor, and lots of decisions. Sights are focused on the end of the school year, the end of the confirmation year, summer plans, and surprisingly enough, even the beginning of the next school year. It was a good month...perhaps even great--there was just something about all that happened that made it so.

I am currently reading perhaps one of the best books I've read in a while - Blue Like Jazz. I can't believe I waited so long to read it after having it suggested to me by so many people - but I'm kind of glad I did. It just seems to fit my thought processes lately. I'm not even quite half way through it, but already love it - the author has an amazing talent for making you think and see things in a different way. And actually, I think some of my next few posts, if I get around to doing them like I want to, will be about points made in that book. It could be a lot of fun I think.

Here is one thought, and then I think I will be done, because I'm having trouble remembering a lot of what has happened as of late. It's been a lot of random stuff...

Out on one of my bike rides the other day, I headed out to one of the parks in town that has a couple trails running through some woods. It was 75 degrees, bright sun, and for all intents and purposes...it felt like summer. As I was riding through the trees, I saw a butterfly, which I guess surprised me more that I was seeing one at the end of March. It flitted around for a while, and I wanted to see if I could snap a picture of it. Finally, it landed on a branch, and I got a little closer look at it...and realized that it was missing a good chunk of one of its wings.

I didn't notice when it was flying, going about its business. It didn't seem any different than any other butterfly I'd ever seen. But, it was broken. Not whole.

Did it matter? I don't know. I found myself wondering if the butterfly was in pain, or if it had felt pain when its wing was torn. If it did, you wouldn't know. They don't talk, after all, and it wasn't acting any different than any other I'd seen.

So, I tried for a while to take a picture that showed the broken wing, and half succeeded, but then it flew off down the trail. I now have that picture as the wallpaper on my computer, I guess to serve as a reminder. Of what, I'm not totally sure yet. Perhaps it is a reminder of how some people hide their pain, or ignore it at least. Perhaps it is a reminder of how we can still be okay even if we are broken in some way. And perhaps, in some way that I don't yet understand, I saw something of myself in that butterfly, whether it was what I have just described, or something different altogether.

Either way - I am going to end with the lyrics from a song by MercyMe called "Bring the Rain" - fitting because of the weather...and perhaps fitting anyway.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty,
Is the Lord God Almighty

2007-02-19T23:22:00.000-06:00

It is nothing short of amazing how God's timing is...just after posting my last entry...I turned on K-Love (radio station) on my computer, and this is the song that was on...

as I said..."you don't know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all that you've got....

Strong Tower
Kutless

When I wander through the desert
And I'm longing for my home
All my dreams have gone astray
When I'm stranded in the valley
And I'm tired and all alone
It seems like I've lost my way
I go running to Your moutain
Where your mercy sets me free

Chorus:
You are my strong tower
Shelter over me
Beautiful and mighty
Everlasting King
You are my strong tower
Fortress when I'm weak
Your name is true and holy
And Your face is all I seek

In the middle of my darkness
In the nidst of all my fear
You're my refuge and my hope
When the storm of life is raging
And the thunder's all I hear
You speak softly to my soul

Amen.

Follow your heart....

2007-02-19T23:03:00.000-06:00

If anyone would have told me a week ago that this past weeks events would have taken place the way they did, I don't think I would have believed them. I mentioned in my last post that I couldn't believe all that had happened in the past month, and now that same sentiment is echoed for me for the past 7 days. Conversations with staff, hearing about things happening in the community, and the death of the family member of one of our staff, plus some other smaller things that just make the situation even more complex, and you get a snapshot of just how much can take place...and change...in just a few days.

Life in general seems to have been thrown for a loop. Take a look at the news for the Twin Cities area, and you learn that there were three head on collisions in three different parts of the Twin Cities, on three different successive days. Each one involved a car or vehicle crossing a median, striking another vehicle head on, and each one resulted in a fatality. Stuff like that isn't supposed to happen, right? And of course, it's always to someone else...until it's not.

How do you respond to such events? I don't know why, but this situation has made my head spin...I just seem to be having a hard time putting everything into perspective. Everything is happening around me, to people around me, and I am involved by association, but not involved at all. It's very strange, and I feel so helpless...and called to act at the same time. But, I don't know how.

I heard a quote the other Sunday in church that went something like "you don't know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have." It seems almost cliche at times like this...but I think part of the reason it seems cliche is because we have reached the point where we know it is true, and are scared to accept what it means. To accept this statement means that we have suffered loss - but for this statement to be true, that is utterly and totally necessary - we must suffer the loss of others, the loss of time, and the loss of self to be able to come into what this statement is truly saying to us.

Those moments in life where we are taken down to the skeleton of what we are show us more than ever what we have truly become. We either fall apart entirely, or we learn that the support that holds us up is made of more than what we have created for ourselves. It has been created through our own destruction, and is rebuilt on what remains after each successive demolition of who we are.

This again is a very scattered post...and more an effort of trying to get questions down that have been rolling around in my mind than an effort to find an answer to everything. Hopefully, some of them will come with time, until then, they remain as questions.

If you do what you've always done, then you're gonna get what you've already got

2007-02-13T17:53:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's been over a month and a half since I last posted. That seems like an eternity, and a LOT has happened since I last posted too. It's been a rollercoaster, although, truthfully, there are few periods of life that aren't. At least for me. That is not to say that my life is constantly either really good or really bad...just that a lot of different stuff is always making me rethink the way I look at life. It's fascinating, really, even now, for me to look back just over the last two months at all that has happened...and particularly at my attitudes toward it.

Rewind back to January. Christmas is over, and January proved to be far busier than I ever would have imagined. Between activities, meetings (of course all during the same week), and a ministry team that was coming to town, January went by both in a blur, and slow as a turtle. How is that possible? I really don't know...I'm not even going to try and explain it. Part of the turtle-like pace is owed to the fact that on February 1st, I got to head off to Tampa for a youth ministry conference, not only to a place that was a good 70-80 degrees warmer than where I had left from, but also to a time that I got to spend with some of my best friends - staff from the church I worked at during college.

It's funny, because coming back from the week, I was wondering where all the time there had gone, and exactly what I had spent it doing. I mean, I went to some workshops, took part in many different sessions morning and night where we not only got to hear incredible music, but also listen to speakers talk about anything from the Holy Spirit working through baptism in a dumpster full of water to how God can work in a church where the liturgy might contain phrases from Dr. Seuss. Around 600 people were gathered at this "youth gathering" for Youth Leaders, and the mix was nothing short of amazing...it seemed sometime that often only a couple of people separated you from the next person. Hundreds of connections made and understood, and more stuff crammed into your mind than you often come across in 6 months of normal life.

Now, what part of that lit the fire under my butt that has been my driving force since I came back? I don't know. Maybe it was taking commuinion with 600 other people that understood you and your struggles, the names of silly games you could rattle off, or simply what it means to spend your days dealing with and ministering to the joys and sorrows that kids face each day. Maybe it was having time to hang out with and talk to the people I consider to have given me my start and grounding in my ministry. Or maybe, it was simply being open to the possibilities of how God works in people. In reality, probably a combination of all three things.. and a few others that I'm not even consciously aware of.

But with that new "fire" of sorts came a lot of other things - making me think a lot more about my position in all of this. I'm a youth director. I'm 23. I've been in my post for less than a year...where do I fit? I just graduated college, and am in a situation where some of my superiors have been doing their thing for almost as long as I've been alive. I still wonder, a few times a week, how I ended up where I am, what someone saw in me when they decided I should come and work for them, and with them. I feel very fortunate, to have found this job, and to enter in to the dynamic I have, with two pastors that care very much about the youth, care very much about me, and care very much about the church.

All of this is a very roundabout way of getting to what may, or may not really be my point - trying to understand change in the church, how it happens, why it needs to happen, and what happens when that change is either impossible, unlikely, or simply not occurring. How do you tell the difference? There are things that I see happening here now that I wish I could change, or want to see change, and I don't know if I can help that along, be the instigator, or just bring it up. And what happens if I don't bring up the things that are on my mind? What happens if I bring it up and nothing happens? What happens if the things I bring up have been tried, and I'm merely trying to repeat the past without even knowing about it? Now, with all of that said, this place, with what I've seen, is far from stagnant. Things are happening. Things are changing. Things are being done now. When do you reach the point where new ideas, however hopeful, are just not practical? I wish I knew. I left a discussion just the other day feeling frustrated, not at the people at it, but at the situation more than anything...and being frustrated, yet again, at my greenness (if that's even a word). I want to understand more than I do. I hate being inexperienced. I hate knowing there are things I want to do and not knowing how to do them. However, sometimes I feel like that frustration becomes a driving force, or at least it should. I can choose to dwell on that frustration and have it tie me down to the things I know I can't do yet, or I can take it and run with it, use it to grow, to learn, and to move on.

This is perhaps one of the most obscure and fractured posts I have put up thus far - with I don't know how many different ideas, thoughts, and tangents. However, I think I just figured out, or heard, the only way I think I can finish it. Amidst my ranting, I heard on the radio the one song that never fails to make me just stop, take a breath, and smile. This song sums up anything I've said better than I could ever hope to, so if you've made it this far without giving up reading, please take one more minute and read the lyrics to this song, stop, smile, and then move on.

Find Your Wings
Mark Harris

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly...

Chorus

Live. Love. Laugh. Grow. FLY.

Reminders of our purpose

2006-12-27T10:31:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine called me from an airport in I think, Detroit today while she was on her way to PA, asking me to help her find something on the internet so she could work on her annual report for this year while she waited for her plane. As I wa looking it up on the internet, I quickly learned that the piece of writing she was looking for, referred to as the Paradoxical Commandments by Kent M. Keith, was something I had come across for the first time during one of my summers at camp. One of my fellow staffers had read it as part of a devotion one day. It reads as follows:

The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

They are thought provoking statements - and particularly thought provoking for me - I used them as a devotion that I gave while sitting in the lounge of the church I work at today - interviewing for my position. The words still stick in my head - I can even see the little blue piece of paper they were typed on when I saw them the first time. Along with the commandments, I also used another piece for my devotion - an entry from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers entitled 'Missionary Munitions.' It reads:

"Ministering as opportunity surrounds us. This does not mean selecting our surroundings, it means being very selectly God's in any haphazard surroundings which He engineers for us. The characteristics we manifest in our immediate surroundings are indications of what we will be like in other surroundings.

The things that Jesus did were of the most menial and commonplace order, and this is an indication that it takes all God's power in me to do the most commonplace things in His way. Can I use a towel as He did? Towels and dishes and sandals, all the ordinary sordid things of our lives, reveal more quickly than anything what we are made of. It takes God Almighty Incarnate in us to do the meanest duty as it ought to be done.

'I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you.' Watch the kind of people God brings around you , and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him . Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you.

'Oh,' you say, 'I will do all that when I get out into the foreign field.' To talk in this way is like tyring to produce the munition of war in the trenches--you will be killed while you are doing it.

We have to go the 'second mile' with God. Some of us get played out in the first ten yards, because God compels us to go where we cannot see the way, and we say--'I will wait till I get nearer the big crisis.' If we do not do the runnig steadily in the little ways, we shall do nothing in the crisis."

This is a calling. Now, I felt connections with this while I was interviewing - I guess, to me in a way, youth ministry is a mission field - just one of a different sort. Rather than bringing people across gaps of language and culture and other divisions of time and location, we are bringing them across an age barrier from youth to adulthood, or even from youth to adolescence (and does, interestingly enough, often include bits and pieces of the culture and language - but in different ways).

Do As I Say, Not As I Do...

2006-12-12T10:09:00.000-06:00

We are a nation of hypocrites. Now, before you get defensive - think - that doesn't mean that I don't think anyone ever practices what they preach...but, at some time on any given day, we say something that someone should or shouldn't do, and then turn around and do the opposite. My mind trails back to the elections last month - all of the candidates for different offices are constantly sliging mud at each other -- and calling their opponents on speaking out both sides of their mouth seems to be one of the biggest accusations made.

That wasn't what brought this idea about though. I was sitting in worship on Sunday morning, and, as is often the case, there were a couple of children that were being particularly vocal. This went on, and after a bit, the woman sitting in front of me turned around to see who the culprit was -- a few different times - and a look of displeasure was all too evident on her face. Now, maybe it's because I've dealt with kids so much, maybe it's because I've spent so much time in church services, maybe it's even because I'm not a parent myself, that I've gotten to the point where most often I just ignore those outbursts. I guess I also figure that the parent is frustrated enough with a child that doesn't want to be quiet, that they don't need 20 pairs of eyes reminding them that the child in their lap is not quiet.

This went off and on for the next 10 minutes or so...and after the woman had turned around to look a fair few times - something happened - her cell phone went off...during the church service. Her husband sat there shaking his head, and she fumbled around trying to find it so she could turn it off. It was all I could do not to chuckle.

Then, last night, I was chatting with a friend of mine about broken committments, and how bad we feel when that happens. This friend mentioned how she felt even worse because she'd been getting after her boss for doing the same type of thing, and I sat thinking for a moment. My response to her was that all to often, it seems like the things we criticize others about the most are the things we have the most trouble with ourselves - it's a lot easier to fix someone else's problems than our own. Also, when we find ourselves doing those things we detest, we are that much harder on ourselves because we see ourselves in a different, imperfect light.

So, we are a nation with planks in our own eyes, trying desperately to see the specks in the eyes of those around us. Cut others some slack - and cut yourself some slack...after all, no one is perfect.

Living in the technology age

2006-12-01T20:36:00.000-06:00

I don't know what I would do without Google. It is something I use now to get info on just about everything - recipes, definitions, translations of words and phrases in other languages, picutres of things for art references, ideas for Bible studies, you get the picture. It seems to be the catchall for things unknown - within reason of course, but it's just always there a click away if I need it.

I know as well as the next guy that you have to take what you find there with a grain of salt, but, there are so many and varied answers for each question, that often all it takes is some comparison and a little bit of background work. But, with all of these answers and all of this information at the tips of our fingers (literally), are we being created as a society that no longer thinks for ourselves, but immediately turns to someone else's ideas to form our own? We're taking a veritable back seat to life if that is the case, and the idea of reinventing the wheel has been done away with all together, it seems instead that we have mass produced the wheel instead to such a degree that our supply will never run out.

I know this sounds like quite an extreme perspective, after all, with the comment I made earlier about having to examine the information we find, it seems that the information is merely a springboard to finding the true information on our own so that we can put it to work for whatever purpose we deem necessary. However, that is assuming that everyone who uses the info actually does consider it. Reality is that everything from our neighbor's personal information to the answers to next weeks test to a copy of that essay on the war in Iraq is available to us, with no necessary work (as long as the price is right).

How then, do we keep ourselves, and others for that matter, from falling into the habit of turning off our minds and letting the existing information be the be all end all of our existence? One thing is sure - make sure when you're surfing the web, the waves of information don't drag you in with them.

Turning the tables

2006-11-30T15:28:00.000-06:00

I was lucky enough to find a good job, in my field, right out of college. I know that's not always the case, or even common, and I consider myself very fortunate in that regard. One thing that has been on my mind off and on ever since is the growing trend that seems to be ocurring more and more in the workplace - situations where 40-50-60 something age people have 20-30 somethings as their superiors. That thought was refreshed in my mind again this morning when I went to Starbucks when I was waiting to meet someone.

I saw two girls, one probably middle to late 20's, the other probably late 20's - and a middle aged guy, probably middle to late 50's. I caught the very beginning of their conversation - it was an evaluation of the man by the two girls (they were all employees). A couple sentences caught my ear, and I was trying not to listen, but it sounded like part of the conversation had to do with some improvements that he needed to make. I wondered what was going through the mind of that man, and if any of it had to do with the fact that he had two people half his age telling him that he needed to work on some things.

I've felt the same kinds of things here in the church I'm working at - technically, by title, I am at a different level than some of those who are both older than me and have been here years longer than me, but I don't ever feel like I am -- or want to be -- seen as any higher than any of my coworkers. It's not even necessary - our jobs, though vital to the others, cross in the ministry we do, but we each have our own areas of control. I guess I think of it more in places like restaurants, department stores, etc., where so often now, some of the most powerful managers and CEO's are younger college and grad school "kids" that are "more qualified" than their 40 something counterparts who have more life experience than they could shake a stick at.

Every situation is different of course - the young adults of today have grown up well versed, and almost -- if not totally -- dependent on the ever growing and changing technology present in the world today. This in and of itself is a difference, not to mention that it seems more and more kids are attending either community colleges or doing the 4 year route - in Liberal Arts schools that force them to become the "well rounded individuals" that are sought out in so many workplaces today, where often one of the job requirements is a college education - sometimes in the particular field, sometimes not. This is different from even 10 or 20 years ago.

Now, understand that I am by no means saying that this younger generation is more capable than the generations before them - but that society seems to be creating a niche for them - simply by virtue of growing up in the time period that we did. Many people seem to be going back to college, getting more under thier belts - for reasons of both necessity and personal desire, and the younger generation, already equipped with so many of the skills desired by the workforce, have the advantage of being required to learn and develope the skills as part of their general education - even before they end up in a college somewhere. Now, with all of that said, are we creating a situation where any of this ever be considered a kind of age discrimination? Or is it merely a changing of the times - after all, go back even 15 to 20 years before computers were a staple in almost every home - and that generation had its own set of advantages with the current era of technology that put them above the ones that came before them.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this is even totally true, or if it is just something I have noticed, and because of that, continue to notice each time I see it. What do you think? And, for that matter, what's next?

And with all the saints that have gone before us...

2006-11-12T16:07:00.000-06:00

Today is All Saints Sunday - a day devoted to the remembrance of those who have passed away this year. Though anyone who has ever lost someone close to them will tell you that the memories are always there, this day in particular honors their memory in the church as well...their spiritual memories.

The children's sermon in church today caught my interest - our pastor talked about how all of us are saints, not just those who are gone from this earth, and not just those "really really special people" in our lives, but all of us. He illustrated this idea by showing how different items are made holy because God is present in them, such as ordinary bread and wine made holy by consecrating them, and an ordinary book compared to the Holy Bible, because the Bible contains the word of God. My mind flashed back to one of those e-mail forwards that went around a few times called "it depends on whose hands it's in." The premise of the whole thing was that any object would be worth substantially more if it were placed in the hands of someone who was an expert or professional with that object. It's the same idea, although there is a definite spiritual bent on the things outlined in the sermon. Anyone can be in posession of those holy objects, and still they remain holy, becuase their worth comes from something beyond our own human reach.

The memory of those lost, whether good or bad, can create a multitude of emotions. We can feel sorrow, anger, pain, happiness at the good times, regret for the bad. The chain of emotion doesn't stop at the person who lost a loved one, however. It carries on to those who know each of those people - and it can often hurt almost as much to see those friends and family members grieving over their losses as it hurts them to have lost someone. It is almost mind blowing how many people can be affected by a single loss of life. All life is precious, and there is a sort of morbid mystique that surrounds death - because it is something that is so permanent, so irreversible, and so uncontrollable in our human hands.

Kinda rough, take from it what you will.

Birthday Parties

2006-11-05T00:01:00.000-06:00

It's been an interesting last coupole of weeks - at work, life in general. October was crazy busy, with lots of different things going on, lots to plan. And now October is gone, November is here, and it's actually pretty quiet - oddly enough. It's foreign to me - I'm not used to having down time. And while I should be enjoying it, instead, I just sit and wonder what I should be doing that I'm not.

I've taken some time to start visiting some of my kids from church during lunch at the high school - something I've been intending to do for quite a while, and finally took the time to do it. I have to admit, I was a little nervous - schools are a culture all their own, and I was nervous about finding my place in that culture as I ventured to the lunch room my first day. However, all it took was for a couple of my kids to get excited as they saw me and waved from across the room, and I knew it was going to be a good visit. Seeing my kids in their element, not mine, is something I think is key in understanding them better. It's fascinating to watch them - it brought me back to my high school days, which, though they weren't that long ago, still seemed like a thing of the distant past. High school is a culture all its own. Everyone constantly fighting for their right at a piece of the pie - I don't know if enough of us realize just how difficult it is to be in high school - and I dont know if we give those kids enough credit for fighting through those years.

And then there's last night. I got invited to be a part of a surprise sweet 16 party for one of my youth. Her friends took her out to a movie and then brought her back to a friend's house that had been decorated and filled with a bunch of her friends. Seeing her face was awesome - and even more awesome to me was her reaction to seeing me there - total surprise. I feel honored to have been a part of that surprise...to be invited into their territory, to be a part of that party. It may not seem like a big deal - but for someone just starting out in a new town in a new church - it really is.

Even more amazing, however, was a conversation I had later on the evening with my pastor and his wife whose home the party was at. The kids had gone outside to run around for a while and I was taking a break in the kitchen and talking to them, one of them thanked me for coming that evening and being around for the beginning of the party when all the kids were full of energy. I was just having fun, watching, and making sure they didn't destroy the house. But it was a comment that came later from my pastor that threw me for a loop the most. He said something to the effect that I had a good balance of being an authority figure and being a friend. Coming from him...that was an incredible compliment. Then as I was leaving to go home and go to bed, he said I was good at letting the kids be themselves - something that is important in establishing trust and good relationships. Those conversations also have a dual meaning to me - it also symbolizes what I consider to be a new level of my relationship to that pastor...something that really means a lot to me.

So...like I said, it's been an interesting couple weeks...I can't wait to see what's next.

Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...

2006-10-29T08:36:00.000-06:00

Confirmation Sunday. Such an important day in the church year - and such a potentially profound one for those being confirmed. I say potentially because I don't know if the youth involved fully grasp what it means. Now, this is not a dig to the youth, I'm not sure if I even completely understood what it meant. It's pretty easy to get wrapped up into the glitz of the day, with the confirmands in their robes, thoughts of open houses with friends and family coming to give their best wishes. And a sort of graduation feeling - it seems that very few confirmed youth remain in the church unless they already have strong connections developed.

But, confirmation is far from an ending - it is in fact a beginning. It is the "Affirmation of Faith" - an acknowledgement of the understanding of their Baptism and of their place as a child of God. It is committment coming full circle - from the promise of the parents at baptism passed on to the promises made by the confirmands - and then branching off in all directions. But, as I mentioned earlier, I don't know how many confirmation youth see it as much more than a day where they pick out a Bible verse and have to stand in front of the church and be recognized.

I think all to often, it's hard to see what's going on when we're in the midst of things. We get too wrapped up in all of the hooplah, the excitement of the moment to really put much thought into it, or at least much thought into what it's doing to us. This is true in any situation like this though - graduation, getting a new job, getting married, starting over in a new area - anything where there is a lot of excitement going on around the situation. Now, I'm not saying that we go into a sort of stupor or anything, but I would say that we are often able to see things only on a purely academic level - we know that there is something big going on, we even know that this big thing means a big change for us - but I don't think the full emotional and spiritual brunt hits us until later. It is not until we make our way through it and are able to look back on the situation that we are able to understand and put all of the pieces together.

What happens when we don't take that time to step back? Some situations force it, at least to some degree - marriage, starting a new job - things that produce very evident changes that require us to live our lives differently than before. But, with things like confirmation and graduation, we aren't necessarily forced to make those realizations immediately. What are we missing if we don't make them until later, or at all?

Okay, slight change in direction. Today also happens to be Reformation Sunday. A day marking a VERY big change - the reforming of the Roman Catholic church. Luther, his 95 Theses - someone who had taken a step back to realized that some of the changes he saw occurring were not right. He took action - spoke out -- and began the process that would eventually create a whole other different church. Changes had been made in the Catholic Church that he didn't agree with...and Martin Luther took the time to see, to understand, and then act out against what he saw happening.

Okay, so, Reformation - real big change for the church - Confirmation - ? Well, though it might not seem like as big a deal, it truly is. It marks becoming an adult in the church - and marks a proclaimed affirmation of the adoption by God that took place at their baptism. Now, like I asked before, what happens if these kids don't step back and take time to understand what their Confirmation means? To me, it means that the opportunity for them to act with that new understanding is taken away. By encouraging them, by finding out from them what it means for them to be confirmed, we are forcing them to act with that new experience under their belt. We are forcing them to act in different circumstances. And, we are helping them to act in a way that is shaped by their faith. It is a big deal - let's help them understand. After all, it's only the beginning.

Time heals all...

2006-10-26T21:39:00.000-05:00

Time is a strange thing. Time can go fast or slow, time is eternal. Time makes us age, time can tear people apart, and it can draw them together. The smallest amounts of time can have incredible effects on our lives. One second can mean the difference between life and death. And of course there's that addage, 'Time heals all wounds." But, is it healing that time is doing. or is it simply there to teach us to understand different parts of our life in different lights?

I find it fascinating to look at my past...what little of it is there in the last 23 years of my life. It doesn't seem like a long period of time, comparatively, but so much has happened in those 23 years. Maybe these ruminations come out of me having just had a birthday, or maybe they simply come from the myriad changes that have taken place in my life in the last 6 months...well, last year or so. Either way, I just think it is amazing how lucky, how crazy, how unbelievable things have been.

A year ago I was just a couple months into my senior year of college, working on my senior thesis, woking at a job I loved, and generally happy. I was just beginning to look for a job, and well, I got the chance of a lifetime - a shot at trying for a full time job at the church I'd been working at for the past year. It seemed too good to be true...and I was terrified, and ecstatic at the same time. So, I applied...and I waited. Then I interviewed, and I waited. So many things were going through my mind as I talked to friends and staff about what was going on...and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out whether or not I was really capable of fulfilling the job duties should I be given the chance. So, I spent lots of time going over all the different scenarios that could result from whatever the verdict was. And then all of the sudden the waiting was over...I was at a camp reunion when the phone call came. I got a message, and the tone voice on the other end of the line was enough...and the phone call that followed was one of the hardest I've ever had. I didn't get the job. I didn't know what to feel - part of me was surprised, part of me wasn't, part of me was fine, part of me was not.

Again, I spent a lot of time thinking - and waiting. Waiting to go back to work, waiting to talk to my coworkers about what had happened, and even waiting to talk to some friends about another potential job now that I hadn't gotten this one. And, more than anything else...waiting to see how I would react when I worked under the person who had gotten the job that I'd been trying for.

I'd like to think that I got over things fairly quickly, and even moved on a couple months later as I met the new employee, and even applied for another job. I really did handle things a lot better than I had expected to, and I think in part, maybe that was what happened as I forced myself to cope - I think sometimes our pretending becomes reality when we realize we are capable of carrying ourselves the way we want to - and even capable of doing things genuinely. I began to understand that I really did believe that things happened the way they did for a reason, and I jumped into my other job search. In the meantime, I had finished my senior thesis, I had fought back and forth with a friend who was a self mutilator, and I was really starting to understand that my college career was coming to a close.

This second job search was a strange one - I'd heard about the opening from my brother first - he'd heard it announced at chapel one morning where he was going to school. I sort of heard it and forgot about it...tucked it away as I was waiting to hear on other options. Then, a month or a month and a half later, I found it again, this time posted on a job website. Also, about two days before, my mom had asked me if I'd applied for it. So, on a whim, I applied, sent in my resume, and waited. Basically in my mind, this job was an indicator...if I got it, that meant I wasn't supposed to take a job I'd been offered at home, if I didn't get it, I was supposed to pursue that job. But the waiting this time around was a lot different...a few days later, I got a call from one of the pastors, asking me if I had any questions, and telling me that someone would be calling me for a phone interview in a couple of days. Then I had the phone interview, a week later I had a first interview, a week and a half after that I had a second interview, and a week after that, I got a call offering me the job. I was sitting listening to a jazz concert, took the phone call, went back, and didn't say anything to any of the people I was with. I was kind of in shock. 5 weeks before I had applied...and now potentially had a job...two months before graduation. I told my best friend in the car on the way home...and over the course of the next week or so, the rest of the people I worked with at my current church found out the news too.

The response startled me...an incredible amount of excitement the day after...and I was still trying to decide at that point. But standing in my senior pastor's office, with all the other pastors and half the staff, seeing their excitement, I knew at that moment, though I didn't understand it, that I knew I needed to take the job. I didn't necessarily know why, and the thought of leaving this family scared me, but I knew it was what I needed to do. So I called the church back that afternoon, a full day before I said I would, and accepted the position.

The two months that followed were a blur as I talked to my new staff for the first few times, finished up my last few classes, and tried as hard as I could to suck up every bit of insight and information from those around me in hopes that I would be better prepared for my new job.

Leaving that church was one of the hardest things I've done...I had truly found a family and some kindred spirits there. But, those same things that made it so hard to leave also prepared me for what was to come--not so much because I knew what I was doing, but because I knew I had all of them standing behind me.

Now fast forward five months. I've been working and living in my new community...for better or for worse...and mostly for better. I love my new job, even though it's constantly filled with challenges. Any time I think I've got a handle on things, I get thrown for a loop, but honestly, I don't think I'd have it any other way.

But, as I mentioned earlier, much earlier, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I had a chance for the first time to visit my college home a couple weeks ago, and got a chance to sit and talk to a good pastor friend of mine at the church I left, and had a discussion with him that made me think even more, but on a totally different tangent. A few days before I'd come to visit, I was talking to another friend from there, and was asked if I was ready to come back yet. My answer surprised even me - no. Yes, I miss everyone like crazy...but, even if I was given a shot at that job again, right now, I wouldn't take it. I couldn't. I have a connection here - several of them, actually, though I don't understand all of them. And, just tonight, I came to another realization. Though there are days that in my head I think I should want to come back, I know in my heart and soul that I don't. I miss my family there...but I belong here. Which leads me to the end of my convo with my former pastor - he followed my musings by answering with, 'you know what--I think that's a calling. I think you've found a calling there, and that's why you feel this way.' I was shocked, honored, amazed...all of the above. Partly because I feel like that is something I've been searching for for so long, and didn't find until I stopped looking so hard for it, partly because I think it's scary for me to have a calling and not feel like I have everything I need to fulfill it, but mostly because it made perfect sense.

It may seem I've gone a long way off my original point, but actually, I've finally arrived at it. Being able to have the feeling of being called makes my perspective change on so many things. It makes me understand how I can be content here even when I don't feel like I should be. It makes me understand why I need to go through difficulties here. It makes me understand period. It made me see in a new light. The old wounds are still there...I can remember them, I can even feel them sometimes when I think about them. But, I see them differently now. I understand why they had to hurt, and I understand why I had to undergo them in the first place. And I've got some wicked scar stories to tell too. :)

You CAN go back home...

2006-10-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

Thursday was a great day. I went with the three pastors from my church to a local ELCA conference, which, interestingly enough, was being held at my home church. Not only was I excited to be hanging out with my partners in crime, I was also excited to be doing so in a place where I was familiar with and had connections to.

The ride over was fun in itself...pastors have such entertaining stories to tell. Past experiences, different encounters, all of it makes for quite the interesting life. When we got there, the day got even better--as soon as I walked in the door, I saw someone I knew...and was greeted thereafter with a number of hugs and "welcome homes." It was a different experience than I am used to as of late, living in a new town...and for me to be in a place with my new colleagues and friends, and for me to be the one comfortable and familiar with my surroundings was such a fun experience.

Being somewhere with 30 other pastors is nothing short of amazing. Listening to stories, connections, and recent events is a blast, and especially being in my hometown area, there is no shortage of connections to be discovered.

On another tangent...the topic of discussion for the day was the new ELCA church hymnal, the Evangelical Lutheran Worship, or ELW. It is meant to replace the LBW Green Hymnal, and the With One Voice hymnal, and contains not only many new worship settings, but also new and updated renditions of some of the older hymns.

I wonder what it means for us to be updating our church hymns into newer, more upbeat, more contemporary songs, while many of our contemporary Christian music artists are now going back to hymns for their music, even some of the older hymns. What a strange relationship...

What it means to be alone

2006-10-07T20:57:00.000-05:00

I was out on another walk today, and not too long after I left my apartment, I found this tiny shoe lying on the side of the road. I picked it up, awed at it's size, and admired it as I continued to walk. It had to be for a newborn, either that, or a doll. But, there was only one. Completely worthless. Or was it?

Farther down the trail, as I was walking through the leaves that were covering the path, I looked over towards the bottom of a tree, and right there was a group of beautiful purple flowers growing by themselves. I looked all around that area, and could find no others among the yellow and brown leaves. They too were alone, a last glimmer of life among the dead leaves of fall.

I can understand that shoe and those flowers. I myself am in that postion right now, a transplant, a bit of a loner. After graduating from college and moving to a new town to start a new job. I've been here for four and a half months already, but I've only been here for four and a half months. I've been asked several times if this place feels like home yet, and I think almost every time I have answered yes. But, as I was walking along today, thinking about that question, I came to another conclusion. I think I maybe don't feel quite like this is home yet, but I do feel like I belong here.

Like the shoe, I am not yet complete here, and I haven't developed a lot of the close relationships that would truly make this place feel like home. In some places and with some people it is starting to feel like home, but the full transition has not yet occurred. But like the flowers, though I am somewhat out of my element, I am still growing here, and I am learning in the process. In any case, I am here, and I am doing my best to figure out where I fit, and what my purpose is here. It's ongoing, and I think it will be for quite some time. Here's to anyone that is finding their place in life - you'll make it.

Majesty

2006-10-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

I was out on a walk on a trail not far from my apartment, and one of my favorite things to do is to go off the trail and explore in the woods, because I have noticed that there are often tiny little out of the way trails that wind around just a few feet from the edge of the lake. I think I've taken as many of them as I can find...although on my adventures last night, I noticed that there seems to have been an explosion in the growth of these wonderful stinging plants that grow right near the ground. I was wearing cutoff pants, so my adventures got cut short.

I walked a little farther down the trail, and came upon another trail that cut into the woods, this one seemed a bit more clear. I walked down into the woods to the edge of the lake, and found a couple of trees that had grown so close to the water that they had begun to tip into the water, and their branches grew out and then down back into the water, making this shaded little cove.

I climbed up the tree a little ways until I was suspended above the water, and I sat there thinking about what we think of when we hear trees. People make metaphors about them all the time, how we should be like trees because they have deep roots that anchor them, and tall branches that reach toward the sky. Well, this tree's roots may be deep into the ground, but they didn't help it stand tall, and the top of the tree curved back toward the ground, not up toward the sky.

However, I think this tree provided perhaps what I considered to be quite a beautiful scene there by the lake, and made an amazing spot to sit and ponder life. This tree had begun to tip...but had not fallen, had tried to grow up, and instead grew out. By normal standards, this tree was a bit of a failure. It's beauty, however, was not affected by its lot in life. It still held its ground, was still a tree, just happened to be a tree in different surroundings and condtions. What if we could respond in such a way...to be bent, but not break, to be forced into less than ideal conditions, and still find a way to let our beauty come through?

Apocalyptica

2006-10-05T23:42:00.000-05:00

We live in a world full of darkness. A world where your next step could be your last, where being in the wrong place at the wrong time could mean getting in the way of someone's crime, where stepping in to help settle an argument could mean the wrath of the assailant falls on you. A world where innocent children are murdered, and where people die for living good lives, and where evil men and women reign over us. Yeah, it's a dismal outlook at life, and it may seem pessimistic but....

I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier tonight, and during a relatively short phone conversation, he told me that earlier that evening, he and some of his housemates were outside their house in the cities, and they heard what sounded like very close gun shots. They headed back in the house, called 911, and waited. They ended up finding out later that someone a few houses down from them was murdered. It scared me. People who are innocent end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, get in the way, and end up the victim. What if he had been down the road a little ways? Could it have ended up being him instead? And just a day or so ago...I heard news of a fight at a local high school, where a handfull of students ended up getting suspended, and a couple of teachers and administrators almost ended up on the receiving end of some blows. What is happening here? What if one of those kids hadn't missed? What if they would have completely lost their tempers?

We can play 'what if' forever. And, truthfully, there are dangers everywhere. Always. This was not a once in a millenium occurrence...stuff like this happens all over the world every day. So, it seems we are left with a choice. We can cower in fear, succumbing to the threats of evil, or we can live, knowing that life is precious, and appreciating the lives we are given. We can pray that God gives us opportunities to show love in a world of hate, and we can pray that God gives us the strength to overcome when bad things do happen to us and those we love.

Let us come together, let us live with courage and faith....and let us believe that there is something more to life than this dim world.

Loss of a legend

2006-09-22T22:51:00.000-05:00

We'll miss you, Steve Irwin...

Though I am slow in writing this post, I still felt it was necessary for me to do so.

I had just woken up around 11am a couple weeks ago on a Saturday morning, when I got an instant message from my brother asking me if I'd seen the headlines yet. My mind went spinning off in a bunch of different directions, wondering what I'd missed, wondering how much it affected me. So, I called my parents, and I get my dad on the phone, saying he was sorry to hear the news...what news at that point I still did not know. So, he told me...Steve Irwin had been killed while filming a sting ray documentary - by being stabbed in the heart by a sting ray.

I really didn't respond much at that point...I don't know why. I've always been a fan of him - being an animal lover and a bio major for a while, I just kind of felt like I understood him and his craziness and passion that everyone else just excused as craziness.

I flipped on the TV later, still kind of wondering why people thought I'd be so broken up over it, but as I passed Animal Planet, and they were running a set of three shows of his over and over as a sort of memorial to him...and it was then that I finally started realizing that he really was gone. It had always been sort of an offhanded plan of mine to meet him someday, to go to Australia to see him in action...and now, I knew I couldn't.

It seemed like such a waste to me that this was how he ended up dying...like I thought he would go in more of a blaze of glory than some stupid freak accident. It was such a waste that he left behind two little kids...such a waste that a man with so much passion was taken out so early in his life.

Watching his memorial service was odd...something about it that was a little more final...but it was incredibly sad. His father's comment is one that will stick in my mind for quite a while--"Don't mourn for Steven, mourn for the animals, who have lost their best friend and ally..."

So, we pray for his family, we pray for his friends, that they may find peace in the midst of this tragedy. And we also pray for the animals...that others may carry on his noble work...and continue speaking and working in their defense.

He fought the good fight, and died doing what he loved....you'll be missed, Steve Irwin.

The Crocodile Hunter - 1962-2006

Wonder if they know...

2006-09-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

People do strange things when they think no one is watching them. I love looking over at the person in the car next to me when I'm at a stoplight and wondering where they're going or where they've just come from, and it never fails to make me smile when I see someone singing or "dancing" in their car, mostly because I do that myself all the time. I people watch when I'm at restaurants or in the mall, and I entertain myself by watching people's mannerisms and such.

Even more strange, however, is what some people are willing to do while people are watching them. One classic example of that is watching how people discipline their children in public, or simply watching how people talk to others that they don't know very well. I'll never forget the brazen greeting I got from a guy I met the first day at my new job, and I am still amazed at the things he says when I am around him. I don't think he's trying to be crass or anything, but I do think it comes across that way sometimes...whether or not he knows it.

I was working the other night when a married couple came in and were talking to each other as they were taking care of some things, and hearing the way they were talking to each other made me uncomfortable just to be within earshot. Every once in a while the husband would shoot me a look, as if he thought I was supposed to be on his side or make a certain comment in his defense or something. I didn't want to say anything, and really didn't, but it left me wondering what their home life is like. Wondering if their kids saw this kind of behavior, wondering if this was a regular occurrence or just a here and there thing.

What would happen if we were all more aware of the things we did, whether in public or in private? Would it keep us from doing crazy things, or prevent us from taking risks altogether? Would it make us more intentional about the things we did? Or would it turn us into people who were so obsessed with what others thought of us that we would no longer act for ourselves? The decision is yours.

The aforementioned pictures

2006-09-14T14:35:00.000-05:00

I finally figured out how to resize my photos without Photoshop, and now I can finally post some of them to the blog. These were from a camping trip I took in South Dakota with a good friend of mine. We spent one afternoon walking some of the trails in the park we were tenting in, and the flora and fauna were incredible.

I wonder sometimes how much of life we really experience and how much of it we simply miss because we are flying by too fast, or thinking about too many things to see what is right in front of us. I love going camping because for me, it is a chance to escape some of the "noise" of city life - both sound noise and visual noise. Camping opens up a completely different realm of life, and almost begs you to be more aware of your surroundings. How many times can you say you saw and heard a rainstorm come across a lake, noticed a frog sitting on your car, or just laid out in a field and stared at the stars? I live for moments like those...and wish I got to experience them more often.

A gorgeous monarch...I had to chase after this one for a while before it stopped flitting around long enough to let me take its picture.

One thing that thunderstorms are definitely good for are spectacular sunsets...the way this tree was silhouetted against the sky only added to the beauty.

My friend the frog...he was so tiny!

The power of decision

2006-09-12T20:43:00.000-05:00

All of us make decisions every single day. We decide what we're going to eat for breakfast (or if we're even going to eat breakfast), what we're going to wear, how we're going to do our hair, and what we are going to do during the day. Then we head off to work, to school, or just out and about, and a whole new realm of decisions awaits us. I think a good chunk of the time, we don't even realize when we're making decisions...we're simply reacting to the world and what is before us.

Today I was at work, sitting in my office when my boss comes to my door and asks me to work on a computer project. I said sure, met with another person to get the specs, and then went to find the other person I needed resources from. A funny look on her face and a few moments later, I was in her office, and she was pretty upset as she told me that the reason she made the funny face was that she felt hurt because I was asked to do the project and not her, when she felt the project was in her jurisdiction and not mine. I caught myself feeling tears stinging my own eyes for a second and was taken aback, and I went back to my office feeling like I'd totally screwed up. Not only that, but I was stuck...I couldn't say anything else to her, and I couldn't say anything to my boss because then I'd be going behind someone else's back...and then I got to thinking how much one tiny request had affected several people.

First it was just me and my boss and the other guy I was working with, but then it was my other co-worker, and inevitably her family or whoever she decided to confide in about it, it was my friend that I would tell that I was so confused...and it was anyone that either she and I came into contact with, because having that in the back of both of our minds would affect the way we'd react to other things. Also interesting was the fact that very likely, the one who made the decision to give the job to me would never know what else had taken place because of his choice.

I think it would be interesting to follow a decision...kind of soap opera or sitcom-esque...where you can see how things are hapening around a central plotline. I started thinking about what I consider to be one of my more defining decisions...where I went to college. That affected relationships I'd made, experiences I'd had, people I'd met, places I've traveled, and even brought me to the job I am currently working in...and interestingly enough, put me into the position that I am in right now...strange how all the seemingly miniscule things of our lives are woven into one great experience...and how they all intertwine to create who we are.

Floorboards of Heaven

2006-09-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

This is my rendition of a story/scenario I heard from someone the other day...I think it's kind of a fun concept, and I had a lot of fun fleshing the story out from the skeleton I had.

One beautiful weekend in the fall, Andy had gone to visit his grandparents. The weather was perfect, one of those fall days where it’s just cool enough in the morning to need a sweatshirt, and hot enough by afternoon to be in shorts. School had just started, and Andy was glad to be outside running around. His grandparent’s house was one of his favorite places in the world. It was a massive old house, a giant backyard to play in, and always had the best sweets laying around for him to eat when he got hungry.

Andy had been through the house so many times, he could almost do it blindfolded. He always started in the same place, upstairs in the bedrooms. Some of the things that his father had as a little boy were still there, toy trucks, an old baseball, even some of his father’s old clothes. He would spend forever looking through drawers of baseball cards and toys, and then move on to some of the other old bedrooms. He looked through trunks filled with things from his aunts and uncles, toys, letters, pictures they had drawn as kids. One of his favorite bedrooms was his oldest uncles bedroom...he had loved to build model airplanes when he was younger, and the room had five or six of them still in there. Andy would imagine he was a fighter pilot, soaring through the sky.

After he finished looking through the bedrooms, he’d move onto the library. Hundreds and hundreds of books, some that were half as big as he was, some that were tiny and fragile, some that he could read, and some that he could not. He especially loved the picture books that had belonged to his father. He would sit in one of the big red overstuffed chairs by the dusty windows and flip through several of them, only stopping when the dust from the yellowed pages got so thick that it made him sneeze. After leaving the library, he would move on to his grandfather’s study. Though this room didn’t have much to play with in it (or at least not much that his grandfather would let him touch), it still had one of his favorite things to look at… a picture of his grandfather with the president—his grandfather had gotten to meet him once when he was a young man, and it showed the president and his grandfather shaking hands, and had a scrawled signature in the bottom right corner that Andy couldn’t read, but he knew that it was the president who had signed it.

After he finished upstairs, he would head down a floor to the room where his grandfather had stuffed several animals that he had captured over the years. One of his favorites was the head of a big bear…sometimes he would imagine that it was one of his teddy bears, only giant sized. He would stalk around in that room playing safari, pretending to run from a stampeding elephant, or proudly standing next to the mountain lion, his prized catch of the day.

When he’d finished playing safari, he would wander down to the living room where his grandfather would sit and read the paper and smoke his pipe, occasionally lowering the paper as his grandson poked around the different corners of the room, smiling, and his grandmother sat across the room, knitting needles clicking away. Andy looked in the cabinet filled with arrowheads and tools that his grandpa had found in the field outside his house, trying to think of the people who had made them long ago. In another cabinet were several trophies and medals, some that his grandfather and grandmother had gotten, some that his father and his aunts and uncles had acquired too. There were a few smaller ones that Andy’s grandfather would let him play with, and Andy would parade them around the room as if he had just won the gold medal in the Olympics.

A bookcase stood in one end of the room, but in it were not books but photos. There were some of his parents, some of him, and even a few old black and white ones of his grandfather and grandmother when they weren’t much older than Andy. Andy loved looking at the ones of his father when he was young, mostly because as he looked at the pictures, he thought they looked an awful lot like him.

Then Andy would move on to the kitchen. He loved the way this room always smelled, a combination between chocolate chip cookies, fresh baked bread, and coffee. As always, there was a plate of cookies sitting on the counter, and Andy would grab one and begin to walk around the room, looking in cupboards that held old dishes and pots and pans. And would pull out several of the pots and pans, grab one of his grandmother’s wooden spoons, and pretend that he was the drummer of the greatest rock band in the world. He played so loud that after a while, his own ears began to hurt. After he put the dishes away, he would walk out into the big entry way where the giant crystal chandelier hung, sparkling in the afternoon sunlight. He’d imagine he was flying in a spaceship, surrounded by a thousand stars, sparkling in the night sky. The winding oak banister spiraled up to the second floor, and he’d gotten caught many many times sliding down the railing. He then looked down at the big rug that lay on the floor, a mixture of blues and reds and greens faded with the years. That didn’t matter though…faded or not…it still made a pretty amazing magic carpet.

About this time, Andy’s grandpa would come out to the entryway and see if Andy wanted to go for a walk in the grove of trees behind the house, and they’d each pick a couple of apples. They would munch on their apples and talk, about school, about what he’d done during the summer, about something Andy had come across in the house that he hadn’t noticed before, or just about anything. After they were tired of walking, they’d start to head back.

Andy had been telling his grandfather about what he’d learned in Sunday school the past week, and right before they reached the front porch and were going to sit on the swing and have some of his grandma’s cookies and ice cold milk, he asked his grandfather, “Grandpa, what do you think heaven will be like?” Andy expected his grandfather to talk about beautiful things like gold and the chandelier that hung in the entry, but instead, Andy’s grandfather stood up and motioned for Andy to follow him. He walked around the house and bent over to open the cellar doors.

Andy loved his grandparent’s house, but he HATED the basement. He’d only been down there twice, and that was enough. It was a dirt floor, and spider webs hung in every corner…Andy was always sure he’d end up with a spider down his shirt. There was one dingy, dirty light bulb that lit the stairway down into the cellar, and otherwise, you had to bring a flashlight with you. Andy could make out a few jars of tomatoes and beans in the semi-darkness, but that was pretty much all that was down there. By this time, Andy was very confused. How could the cellar be like heaven? What on earth was his grandpa going to tell him?

Andy’s grandpa stopped in the middle of the cellar and told Andy to look up. Now, when Andy was in the cellar, he generally kept his eyes on the ground, partly because he really didn’t want to know what was hanging over his head, and partly because he had to watch his feet to make sure he didn’t trip over anything in the dim light. As Andy looked up, he could see little lines of light, sparkles of the light that filled the house that sat above them. Andy had never noticed that you could see light before. Andy’s grandfather began to speak. “I have lived in this house for more than 60 years, and I have walked through every room more times than you can imagine. My parents owned it before me, and I inherited it from them. One of my favorite places is this cellar. Just like you, I hated it when I was younger. But, as I grew older, I would come down here from time to time and just sit, staring up at the cracks in the floorboards.”

“Andy, this cellar is the earth we are living in. Though we enjoy ourselves here, there are many things that make this world dark – wars, fighting, hunger, and other kinds of destruction. But, we get little glimpses of heaven all the time—in the smile of a friend, in a kind deed done by one person for another, or even walking in the woods and seeing a bird fly above your head. It is those little moments, those glimpses of light that make this world brighter, just like the light coming through the floorboards from the house helps light this cellar. That, Andy, is what heaven is like. The light coming down through the cracks in the floorboards of heaven is what give this world light and hope.”
Andy and his grandfather walked back up the stairs and went back up to the porch where his grandmother already sat, with a plate of cookies and a pitcher of milk and some glasses next to her on the table. Andy was pretty sure that this afternoon was one of the rays of light from heaven that his grandpa had talked about.

Suffering as Vocation

2006-08-24T19:19:00.000-05:00

The story is told of a Sunday school teacher whose assignment was to explain to the six-year-olds in his class what someone had to do in order to go to heaven. In an attempt to discover what the kids already believed about the subject, he asked a few questions.

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was "NO!"

"Well then," he said, "if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?"
Again they all shouted, "NO!"

"Well then, how can I get into heaven?"

A boy in the back row stood up and shouted, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

Therein lies the problem: You gotta be dead to go to heaven. Consequently, you gotta be dead to know much about the place, as well.

~Excerpted from How Good is Good Enough by Andy Stanley

The title of this post is one of the topic headings of the new Bible study series for the womens' circles in our church. The whole thing focuses around suffering, where it comes from, why it exists, and what we as humans can do about it. The topic of suffering is not something I'm unfamiliar with, not necessarily because I've been through an exceptional amount of it, but more because it is a subject that came up a number of times during my last year as a religion major, and also has come up a number of times in my thoughts and conversations as of late.

Some of this thought process parallels what I wrote in the previous post. Is life fair? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? In the last post, more emphasis was put on what it means to be caught between a spiritual life and a life afflicted with an addiction or a habit that general society considers unacceptable. This discussion focuses more on where those situations arise, or, if the question can even be raised, why they arise.

Earlier this morning, I was reading an e-mail from a friend of mine that mentioned a number of questions they are currently facing, most of them, simply "whys." Why doesn't anyone think religion is important? Why has my life been so easy when others lives have been so difficult? Why do I deserve to have an easy life when I don't think I've done anything particularly wonderful? Why is my child, who is a generally good kid, going through so many struggles? Why don't more people put their faith first in their lives? Why do people refuse help from those who are trying to make their lives better?

After having talked about the why's of suffering a couple nights before, I found myself going back to some of the questions that were raised that evening...questions about how or if you can comfort someone who has lost a friend or family member, and the difference between a 99 year old woman dying peacefully in her sleep and being able to say that God called her home, and a 4 year old boy being killed in a car accident and how almost cruel it would be to use the same comment.

It struck me as odd to hear him say the word "deserve" so many times in relation to the things that he or those he knew were experiencing. Biblically, people were always looking for someone or something to blame when someone was afflicted with a disease or a physical ailment. Whether it was the person's own folly or that of their parents, every ailment or pain that they incurred was the fault of something that had been done. However, rarely if ever was that the case even then, and it certainly isn't the case now. Life, chaos, and evil simply present in the world cause such suffering. It exists, that in and of itself is enough for us to encounter it.

Grace is such a strange thing, as is unconditional love. It is nearly impossible for a frail human mind to grasp the possibility of a clean slate, and even more impossible for that same mind to understand why anyone would want to give that clean slate to such a flawed and undeserving person. And the only one who does understand this concept fully, unfortunately cannot bestow any answer upone us other than that He loves us so much that he can't do anything but give us that grace. There is no deserving. There is no earning. There is no turning away. There is no being better, or worse, there is no good or bad. There is only us, and a God who loves us so much that he was willing to undergo ultimate pain so that one day we might no longer even know what pain is. However, despite all of this, pain still exists, is present in this world, and often times, it seems like pain and evil are winning. There is no good way to explain it, no cut and dry answers that give us reasons for its presence. So, we are forced back to our faith...forced back to grace, time and time again.

Here's something to think about: if God appeared to you and asked, "why should I let you into heaven?" how would you answer? If you like most people, your answer might run something along these lines:

"I've always tried to..."
"I never..."
"I do my best..."

Whether I am talking to Muslims, Hindus, or Christians, the majority of the answers I receive to that question go back to an individual's attempt to live a good life. Why? Because most people believe that good people go to heaven.

The moral? Behave yourself now and you don't really need to worry too much about what happens next. The end. Now let's get back to work, golf, Little League, PTA--the pressing issues of this life.

But then every once in a while something happens that forces you to seriously consider the question of what's next--a funeral, a health scare, a birthday, a glance in the mirror. You don't like to think about it. You rarely ever talk about it. But it is always there. And the older you get, the more often you find yourself pushing it from your mind.

The fact is, the mortality rate for humans is 100 percent. And that bothers you. In spite of the fact that you believe there is something better on the other side of life, you are not at peace. And for good reason.

You see, as good as you are--and you are pretty good--you aren't really sure if you have been good enough. You hope so. And you are certainlyh better than...well...than certain people you know.

But how good is good enough?

Where's the line? Who is the standard? Where do you currently stand? Do you have enough time left to stash away enough good deeds to counterbalance your bad ones?

And while we're asking questions, I'll go ahead and throw one in that perhaps you've wondered about but were afraid to ask: just who is in charge of this operation? God? If so, he ought to have been a bit clearer about how this whole thing works. If our eternal residence hangs in the balance of how we live this, we could certainly do with some direction. A standard. A mile marker or two. Perhaps a mid-term.

"But wait," you say, "Isn't it the job of religion to answer those questions for me?" Sure. Most of the various world religions and their books do exist to answer those questions. Teachers, preachers, ulema, rabbis, priests, lamas--they are all in the business of getting us safely to the other side. Specifically, they are responsible for helping you and me understand how to live in such a way as to ensure a happy ending.

So why are you still unsure? You've been to church. Perhaps yo uattended a few religion classes as a child. And yet, if you are like the majority of people I talk to, you still are not confident where you stand with God. I ran across an interesting quote by Gandhi that underscored the universal uncertainty associated with religious belief. When questioned why he proselytized in the arena of politics but not in religion, he responded, "in the relam of the political and social and economic, we can be sufficiently certain to convert; but in the realm of religion there is not sufficient certainty to convert anybody, and, therefore, there can be no conversions in religions." Now that's helpful, isn't it? Even Gandhi didn't find certainty in religion.

~Excerpted from How Good is Good Enough by Andy Stanley

Though both of the excerpts I included in this post talk about salvation and not grace directly, in my eyes, the two are one in the same. We cannot receive salvation without the gift of grace. Religion - I can't stand that word. It has been misinterpreted and misunderstood for so long. Things are blamed on religion, attributed to religion, and called religion, and people hear them and automatically link them to their own faith or use it as a reason to why they don't have faith in God, and they link it to the faith of others, all of which cheapens it. I believe in God. I believe his son died to save me. I believe he loves me, and I believe that the only reason I receive grace and salvation is because of this love. I don't know why. I don't know why bad stuff happens to me and to those I love. But he loves us still. That is all. And that is enough.

How good... Grace at Work

2006-08-22T15:07:00.000-05:00

I spent the last few days outside the Twin Cities in MN at a music festival called Higher Ground. It was a wonderful couple days - lots of great music, beautiful weather, and I spent the time there with three of my best friends, so it was a wonderful outing. I got to hear MercyMe play live for the first time, and if you haven't heard of them, or haven't heard their newest CD, "Coming Up To Breathe," you should check them out. Among the other artists there were Monk and Neagle, Mark Schultz, Joy Williams, Natalie Grant, and Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. I'd also encourage you to check out some of those artists as well.

The weekend was a powerful one and I left feeling rejuvinated...I love music and I love hearing it live and singing along with the hundreds of other people that come to the concerts. During the second day of concerts, I got a chance to hear a couple of speakers from the MN Teen Challenge choir. One of them shared a message about their past history of smoking and drinking, and at one point during his story said, "and even after I was born again, I still continued to smoke and drink for about the next 4 years." Though this statement may not seem like anything noteworthy or out of the ordinary, it is something I have thought about more than once over the past couple of months. While at a set of classes in the twin cities, I heard a story of a man who had a problem with alcoholism, but, at one point during his life, had met someone who had introduced him to Christ, gotten him to start reading the Bible, and had helped him get his spiritual life back on track. However, despite all of this, he remained an alcoholic, and if memory serves, even eventually died from it. He was a man that had likely read the Bible through cover to cover, perhaps several times, had a personal relationship with God, and yet, was an alcoholic. Yet another story that came to my attention, though slightly different in nature, was from the book Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli. It recounted a comment that he had made regarding someone he considered to be a godly woman, despite the fact that the woman smoked and swore. The people he had said that to couldn't understand how a woman that did such things could be considered "godly."

Now, I realize that this was sort of a roundabout way to get to my point, but nonetheless, I have arrived at it. Each of these people had their vices, but each of them was still living as good a Christian life as each of them could in their circumstances, and in some cases, probably had a stronger faith life than some of their less-afflicted counterparts. However, understanding this and viewing their lives as Christian lives requires a much different perspective on Christianity and the age old question of what is "good enough" (which, incidentally, may be the wrong question to ask). I often feel a lot of times that I am more at ease around people who don't seem to quite have everything figured out, I think probably because I know that I myself am nowhere close to having my own faith completely figured out. Viewing "incomplete and unfinished" Christians (myself included in this category) as Christians requires a different outlook, and a different understanding of what is "pious" and "correct" living. It also means that we have to learn how to be aware and understanding of our faults and those of others, but not be content with leaving them where they are. This is a delicate line to walk--and often a difficult hill to climb.

So, can our incomplete, broken, falling short selves be capable of praising and worshipping the God who created us? I think the answer is yes...and I think those praises are often some of the most genuine and passionate praises that exist.

Memories

2006-08-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

I had my first shot at seeing how the church services at a local alzheimers center are run today, a bit of a learning day so that I can eventually lead a "service" there. Once a month, an informal gathering is hosted by the church that I work at so that the residents can experience church there. My pastor led a short message on the lectionary for the month, and it focused on the way that bread is used in some pretty amazing ways in the Bible, particularly the feeding of the five thousand. Though I have heard this story probably 20 or 30 times since I was in Sunday School, I caught myself really thinking about it this morning.

5000 is an arbitrary number, because the women and children of the day were rarely if ever counted when a group was assessed. More than likely, the number was closer to 10,000 people that were hungry and needed to be fed. That was the part that struck me today. Recently moving to a small town with a population of just over 10,000, I wondered what it would be like not only to talk in front of a crowd that large, but to be asked for food by a crowd that large. My mind immediately jumped to the meals that my former church prepared on a fairly regular basis, for around 200-300 people, or to the meals that our cooks prepare at a camp I'd worked at each week for about the same number. I always considered that to be a feat in and of itself...Now multiply that by about 33 -- and you've got Jesus' hungry crowd.

I had a hard time even coming up with a place now where a group that large could go and receive a decent meal with no notice, and for no charge. And, Jesus didn't even think twice. He knew what had to be done. The disciples were as befuddled as I am about how that could be done, but Jesus just did what he had to do and fed the crowd. "He only saw their need" was a phrase that my pastor spoke during his message, and I thought for quite a while about those words. After recently having been on a mission trip, this phrase struck a chord with me - what would it be like to only see the people's needs? To not see their disheveled hair and dirty clothes, to not see them on the street corners as befouling the city, to not see the bottle of whiskey or smell alcohol on their breath, to not see a hopeless person or child, but to only see their need.

As you can see, my thought process jumped around a lot during all of this, but that phrase at the end ties all of it together. We are simple human beings that have a difficult time understanding what it means to see past the surface and then , to go a step further and act upon what we see. May we all see the needs around us, and have the wisdom, courage, and strength we need to reach out to them.

** Another side note: one other thing that I caught myself paying a lot of attention to was the singing we were doing. Even at the Alzheimer's patient service, those residents could remember the words to the hymns we were singing, often, better than the rest of us that were there.

Listening to all of the residents sing, in truth, was nothing of note. Some of them were a measure or two behind, some were a little off key...but, as I sat there, singing along, I couldn't help but think I was singing, at that moment, in one of God's most beautiful choirs. I could almost see the smile on his face.

2006-08-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

So I have a new blog to play with...and thought I might just use my first post to put a few of my pictures up. I have a photography fetish, and it is becoming more and more of a tool of expression for me, interestingly enough, a lot of the metaphors I see present in my photos don't become apparent to me until after I take the picture and see it later on. At any rate, enjoy, and maybe I'll have more to say the next time I post.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear...kind of an interesting metaphor with the sun rays...

Betcha didn't know chipmunks ate goldfish.

I love this picture...the light coming through the leaves was just beautiful.

A perfect night at the lake.