Friday, September 22, 2006

Loss of a legend


We'll miss you, Steve Irwin...

Though I am slow in writing this post, I still felt it was necessary for me to do so.

I had just woken up around 11am a couple weeks ago on a Saturday morning, when I got an instant message from my brother asking me if I'd seen the headlines yet. My mind went spinning off in a bunch of different directions, wondering what I'd missed, wondering how much it affected me. So, I called my parents, and I get my dad on the phone, saying he was sorry to hear the news...what news at that point I still did not know. So, he told me...Steve Irwin had been killed while filming a sting ray documentary - by being stabbed in the heart by a sting ray.

I really didn't respond much at that point...I don't know why. I've always been a fan of him - being an animal lover and a bio major for a while, I just kind of felt like I understood him and his craziness and passion that everyone else just excused as craziness.

I flipped on the TV later, still kind of wondering why people thought I'd be so broken up over it, but as I passed Animal Planet, and they were running a set of three shows of his over and over as a sort of memorial to him...and it was then that I finally started realizing that he really was gone. It had always been sort of an offhanded plan of mine to meet him someday, to go to Australia to see him in action...and now, I knew I couldn't.

It seemed like such a waste to me that this was how he ended up dying...like I thought he would go in more of a blaze of glory than some stupid freak accident. It was such a waste that he left behind two little kids...such a waste that a man with so much passion was taken out so early in his life.

Watching his memorial service was odd...something about it that was a little more final...but it was incredibly sad. His father's comment is one that will stick in my mind for quite a while--"Don't mourn for Steven, mourn for the animals, who have lost their best friend and ally..."

So, we pray for his family, we pray for his friends, that they may find peace in the midst of this tragedy. And we also pray for the animals...that others may carry on his noble work...and continue speaking and working in their defense.

He fought the good fight, and died doing what he loved....you'll be missed, Steve Irwin.

The Crocodile Hunter - 1962-2006

Wonder if they know...

People do strange things when they think no one is watching them. I love looking over at the person in the car next to me when I'm at a stoplight and wondering where they're going or where they've just come from, and it never fails to make me smile when I see someone singing or "dancing" in their car, mostly because I do that myself all the time. I people watch when I'm at restaurants or in the mall, and I entertain myself by watching people's mannerisms and such.

Even more strange, however, is what some people are willing to do while people are watching them. One classic example of that is watching how people discipline their children in public, or simply watching how people talk to others that they don't know very well. I'll never forget the brazen greeting I got from a guy I met the first day at my new job, and I am still amazed at the things he says when I am around him. I don't think he's trying to be crass or anything, but I do think it comes across that way sometimes...whether or not he knows it.

I was working the other night when a married couple came in and were talking to each other as they were taking care of some things, and hearing the way they were talking to each other made me uncomfortable just to be within earshot. Every once in a while the husband would shoot me a look, as if he thought I was supposed to be on his side or make a certain comment in his defense or something. I didn't want to say anything, and really didn't, but it left me wondering what their home life is like. Wondering if their kids saw this kind of behavior, wondering if this was a regular occurrence or just a here and there thing.

What would happen if we were all more aware of the things we did, whether in public or in private? Would it keep us from doing crazy things, or prevent us from taking risks altogether? Would it make us more intentional about the things we did? Or would it turn us into people who were so obsessed with what others thought of us that we would no longer act for ourselves? The decision is yours.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The aforementioned pictures

I finally figured out how to resize my photos without Photoshop, and now I can finally post some of them to the blog. These were from a camping trip I took in South Dakota with a good friend of mine. We spent one afternoon walking some of the trails in the park we were tenting in, and the flora and fauna were incredible.

I wonder sometimes how much of life we really experience and how much of it we simply miss because we are flying by too fast, or thinking about too many things to see what is right in front of us. I love going camping because for me, it is a chance to escape some of the "noise" of city life - both sound noise and visual noise. Camping opens up a completely different realm of life, and almost begs you to be more aware of your surroundings. How many times can you say you saw and heard a rainstorm come across a lake, noticed a frog sitting on your car, or just laid out in a field and stared at the stars? I live for moments like those...and wish I got to experience them more often.


A gorgeous monarch...I had to chase after this one for a while before it stopped flitting around long enough to let me take its picture.
One thing that thunderstorms are definitely good for are spectacular sunsets...the way this tree was silhouetted against the sky only added to the beauty.


My friend the frog...he was so tiny!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The power of decision

All of us make decisions every single day. We decide what we're going to eat for breakfast (or if we're even going to eat breakfast), what we're going to wear, how we're going to do our hair, and what we are going to do during the day. Then we head off to work, to school, or just out and about, and a whole new realm of decisions awaits us. I think a good chunk of the time, we don't even realize when we're making decisions...we're simply reacting to the world and what is before us.

Today I was at work, sitting in my office when my boss comes to my door and asks me to work on a computer project. I said sure, met with another person to get the specs, and then went to find the other person I needed resources from. A funny look on her face and a few moments later, I was in her office, and she was pretty upset as she told me that the reason she made the funny face was that she felt hurt because I was asked to do the project and not her, when she felt the project was in her jurisdiction and not mine. I caught myself feeling tears stinging my own eyes for a second and was taken aback, and I went back to my office feeling like I'd totally screwed up. Not only that, but I was stuck...I couldn't say anything else to her, and I couldn't say anything to my boss because then I'd be going behind someone else's back...and then I got to thinking how much one tiny request had affected several people.

First it was just me and my boss and the other guy I was working with, but then it was my other co-worker, and inevitably her family or whoever she decided to confide in about it, it was my friend that I would tell that I was so confused...and it was anyone that either she and I came into contact with, because having that in the back of both of our minds would affect the way we'd react to other things. Also interesting was the fact that very likely, the one who made the decision to give the job to me would never know what else had taken place because of his choice.

I think it would be interesting to follow a decision...kind of soap opera or sitcom-esque...where you can see how things are hapening around a central plotline. I started thinking about what I consider to be one of my more defining decisions...where I went to college. That affected relationships I'd made, experiences I'd had, people I'd met, places I've traveled, and even brought me to the job I am currently working in...and interestingly enough, put me into the position that I am in right now...strange how all the seemingly miniscule things of our lives are woven into one great experience...and how they all intertwine to create who we are.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Floorboards of Heaven

This is my rendition of a story/scenario I heard from someone the other day...I think it's kind of a fun concept, and I had a lot of fun fleshing the story out from the skeleton I had.


One beautiful weekend in the fall, Andy had gone to visit his grandparents. The weather was perfect, one of those fall days where it’s just cool enough in the morning to need a sweatshirt, and hot enough by afternoon to be in shorts. School had just started, and Andy was glad to be outside running around. His grandparent’s house was one of his favorite places in the world. It was a massive old house, a giant backyard to play in, and always had the best sweets laying around for him to eat when he got hungry.

Andy had been through the house so many times, he could almost do it blindfolded. He always started in the same place, upstairs in the bedrooms. Some of the things that his father had as a little boy were still there, toy trucks, an old baseball, even some of his father’s old clothes. He would spend forever looking through drawers of baseball cards and toys, and then move on to some of the other old bedrooms. He looked through trunks filled with things from his aunts and uncles, toys, letters, pictures they had drawn as kids. One of his favorite bedrooms was his oldest uncles bedroom...he had loved to build model airplanes when he was younger, and the room had five or six of them still in there. Andy would imagine he was a fighter pilot, soaring through the sky.

After he finished looking through the bedrooms, he’d move onto the library. Hundreds and hundreds of books, some that were half as big as he was, some that were tiny and fragile, some that he could read, and some that he could not. He especially loved the picture books that had belonged to his father. He would sit in one of the big red overstuffed chairs by the dusty windows and flip through several of them, only stopping when the dust from the yellowed pages got so thick that it made him sneeze. After leaving the library, he would move on to his grandfather’s study. Though this room didn’t have much to play with in it (or at least not much that his grandfather would let him touch), it still had one of his favorite things to look at… a picture of his grandfather with the president—his grandfather had gotten to meet him once when he was a young man, and it showed the president and his grandfather shaking hands, and had a scrawled signature in the bottom right corner that Andy couldn’t read, but he knew that it was the president who had signed it.

After he finished upstairs, he would head down a floor to the room where his grandfather had stuffed several animals that he had captured over the years. One of his favorites was the head of a big bear…sometimes he would imagine that it was one of his teddy bears, only giant sized. He would stalk around in that room playing safari, pretending to run from a stampeding elephant, or proudly standing next to the mountain lion, his prized catch of the day.

When he’d finished playing safari, he would wander down to the living room where his grandfather would sit and read the paper and smoke his pipe, occasionally lowering the paper as his grandson poked around the different corners of the room, smiling, and his grandmother sat across the room, knitting needles clicking away. Andy looked in the cabinet filled with arrowheads and tools that his grandpa had found in the field outside his house, trying to think of the people who had made them long ago. In another cabinet were several trophies and medals, some that his grandfather and grandmother had gotten, some that his father and his aunts and uncles had acquired too. There were a few smaller ones that Andy’s grandfather would let him play with, and Andy would parade them around the room as if he had just won the gold medal in the Olympics.

A bookcase stood in one end of the room, but in it were not books but photos. There were some of his parents, some of him, and even a few old black and white ones of his grandfather and grandmother when they weren’t much older than Andy. Andy loved looking at the ones of his father when he was young, mostly because as he looked at the pictures, he thought they looked an awful lot like him.

Then Andy would move on to the kitchen. He loved the way this room always smelled, a combination between chocolate chip cookies, fresh baked bread, and coffee. As always, there was a plate of cookies sitting on the counter, and Andy would grab one and begin to walk around the room, looking in cupboards that held old dishes and pots and pans. And would pull out several of the pots and pans, grab one of his grandmother’s wooden spoons, and pretend that he was the drummer of the greatest rock band in the world. He played so loud that after a while, his own ears began to hurt. After he put the dishes away, he would walk out into the big entry way where the giant crystal chandelier hung, sparkling in the afternoon sunlight. He’d imagine he was flying in a spaceship, surrounded by a thousand stars, sparkling in the night sky. The winding oak banister spiraled up to the second floor, and he’d gotten caught many many times sliding down the railing. He then looked down at the big rug that lay on the floor, a mixture of blues and reds and greens faded with the years. That didn’t matter though…faded or not…it still made a pretty amazing magic carpet.

About this time, Andy’s grandpa would come out to the entryway and see if Andy wanted to go for a walk in the grove of trees behind the house, and they’d each pick a couple of apples. They would munch on their apples and talk, about school, about what he’d done during the summer, about something Andy had come across in the house that he hadn’t noticed before, or just about anything. After they were tired of walking, they’d start to head back.

Andy had been telling his grandfather about what he’d learned in Sunday school the past week, and right before they reached the front porch and were going to sit on the swing and have some of his grandma’s cookies and ice cold milk, he asked his grandfather, “Grandpa, what do you think heaven will be like?” Andy expected his grandfather to talk about beautiful things like gold and the chandelier that hung in the entry, but instead, Andy’s grandfather stood up and motioned for Andy to follow him. He walked around the house and bent over to open the cellar doors.

Andy loved his grandparent’s house, but he HATED the basement. He’d only been down there twice, and that was enough. It was a dirt floor, and spider webs hung in every corner…Andy was always sure he’d end up with a spider down his shirt. There was one dingy, dirty light bulb that lit the stairway down into the cellar, and otherwise, you had to bring a flashlight with you. Andy could make out a few jars of tomatoes and beans in the semi-darkness, but that was pretty much all that was down there. By this time, Andy was very confused. How could the cellar be like heaven? What on earth was his grandpa going to tell him?

Andy’s grandpa stopped in the middle of the cellar and told Andy to look up. Now, when Andy was in the cellar, he generally kept his eyes on the ground, partly because he really didn’t want to know what was hanging over his head, and partly because he had to watch his feet to make sure he didn’t trip over anything in the dim light. As Andy looked up, he could see little lines of light, sparkles of the light that filled the house that sat above them. Andy had never noticed that you could see light before. Andy’s grandfather began to speak. “I have lived in this house for more than 60 years, and I have walked through every room more times than you can imagine. My parents owned it before me, and I inherited it from them. One of my favorite places is this cellar. Just like you, I hated it when I was younger. But, as I grew older, I would come down here from time to time and just sit, staring up at the cracks in the floorboards.”

“Andy, this cellar is the earth we are living in. Though we enjoy ourselves here, there are many things that make this world dark – wars, fighting, hunger, and other kinds of destruction. But, we get little glimpses of heaven all the time—in the smile of a friend, in a kind deed done by one person for another, or even walking in the woods and seeing a bird fly above your head. It is those little moments, those glimpses of light that make this world brighter, just like the light coming through the floorboards from the house helps light this cellar. That, Andy, is what heaven is like. The light coming down through the cracks in the floorboards of heaven is what give this world light and hope.”
Andy and his grandfather walked back up the stairs and went back up to the porch where his grandmother already sat, with a plate of cookies and a pitcher of milk and some glasses next to her on the table. Andy was pretty sure that this afternoon was one of the rays of light from heaven that his grandpa had talked about.