Sunday, October 29, 2006

Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...

Confirmation Sunday. Such an important day in the church year - and such a potentially profound one for those being confirmed. I say potentially because I don't know if the youth involved fully grasp what it means. Now, this is not a dig to the youth, I'm not sure if I even completely understood what it meant. It's pretty easy to get wrapped up into the glitz of the day, with the confirmands in their robes, thoughts of open houses with friends and family coming to give their best wishes. And a sort of graduation feeling - it seems that very few confirmed youth remain in the church unless they already have strong connections developed.

But, confirmation is far from an ending - it is in fact a beginning. It is the "Affirmation of Faith" - an acknowledgement of the understanding of their Baptism and of their place as a child of God. It is committment coming full circle - from the promise of the parents at baptism passed on to the promises made by the confirmands - and then branching off in all directions. But, as I mentioned earlier, I don't know how many confirmation youth see it as much more than a day where they pick out a Bible verse and have to stand in front of the church and be recognized.

I think all to often, it's hard to see what's going on when we're in the midst of things. We get too wrapped up in all of the hooplah, the excitement of the moment to really put much thought into it, or at least much thought into what it's doing to us. This is true in any situation like this though - graduation, getting a new job, getting married, starting over in a new area - anything where there is a lot of excitement going on around the situation. Now, I'm not saying that we go into a sort of stupor or anything, but I would say that we are often able to see things only on a purely academic level - we know that there is something big going on, we even know that this big thing means a big change for us - but I don't think the full emotional and spiritual brunt hits us until later. It is not until we make our way through it and are able to look back on the situation that we are able to understand and put all of the pieces together.

What happens when we don't take that time to step back? Some situations force it, at least to some degree - marriage, starting a new job - things that produce very evident changes that require us to live our lives differently than before. But, with things like confirmation and graduation, we aren't necessarily forced to make those realizations immediately. What are we missing if we don't make them until later, or at all?

Okay, slight change in direction. Today also happens to be Reformation Sunday. A day marking a VERY big change - the reforming of the Roman Catholic church. Luther, his 95 Theses - someone who had taken a step back to realized that some of the changes he saw occurring were not right. He took action - spoke out -- and began the process that would eventually create a whole other different church. Changes had been made in the Catholic Church that he didn't agree with...and Martin Luther took the time to see, to understand, and then act out against what he saw happening.

Okay, so, Reformation - real big change for the church - Confirmation - ? Well, though it might not seem like as big a deal, it truly is. It marks becoming an adult in the church - and marks a proclaimed affirmation of the adoption by God that took place at their baptism. Now, like I asked before, what happens if these kids don't step back and take time to understand what their Confirmation means? To me, it means that the opportunity for them to act with that new understanding is taken away. By encouraging them, by finding out from them what it means for them to be confirmed, we are forcing them to act with that new experience under their belt. We are forcing them to act in different circumstances. And, we are helping them to act in a way that is shaped by their faith. It is a big deal - let's help them understand. After all, it's only the beginning.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Time heals all...

Time is a strange thing. Time can go fast or slow, time is eternal. Time makes us age, time can tear people apart, and it can draw them together. The smallest amounts of time can have incredible effects on our lives. One second can mean the difference between life and death. And of course there's that addage, 'Time heals all wounds." But, is it healing that time is doing. or is it simply there to teach us to understand different parts of our life in different lights?

I find it fascinating to look at my past...what little of it is there in the last 23 years of my life. It doesn't seem like a long period of time, comparatively, but so much has happened in those 23 years. Maybe these ruminations come out of me having just had a birthday, or maybe they simply come from the myriad changes that have taken place in my life in the last 6 months...well, last year or so. Either way, I just think it is amazing how lucky, how crazy, how unbelievable things have been.

A year ago I was just a couple months into my senior year of college, working on my senior thesis, woking at a job I loved, and generally happy. I was just beginning to look for a job, and well, I got the chance of a lifetime - a shot at trying for a full time job at the church I'd been working at for the past year. It seemed too good to be true...and I was terrified, and ecstatic at the same time. So, I applied...and I waited. Then I interviewed, and I waited. So many things were going through my mind as I talked to friends and staff about what was going on...and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out whether or not I was really capable of fulfilling the job duties should I be given the chance. So, I spent lots of time going over all the different scenarios that could result from whatever the verdict was. And then all of the sudden the waiting was over...I was at a camp reunion when the phone call came. I got a message, and the tone voice on the other end of the line was enough...and the phone call that followed was one of the hardest I've ever had. I didn't get the job. I didn't know what to feel - part of me was surprised, part of me wasn't, part of me was fine, part of me was not.

Again, I spent a lot of time thinking - and waiting. Waiting to go back to work, waiting to talk to my coworkers about what had happened, and even waiting to talk to some friends about another potential job now that I hadn't gotten this one. And, more than anything else...waiting to see how I would react when I worked under the person who had gotten the job that I'd been trying for.

I'd like to think that I got over things fairly quickly, and even moved on a couple months later as I met the new employee, and even applied for another job. I really did handle things a lot better than I had expected to, and I think in part, maybe that was what happened as I forced myself to cope - I think sometimes our pretending becomes reality when we realize we are capable of carrying ourselves the way we want to - and even capable of doing things genuinely. I began to understand that I really did believe that things happened the way they did for a reason, and I jumped into my other job search. In the meantime, I had finished my senior thesis, I had fought back and forth with a friend who was a self mutilator, and I was really starting to understand that my college career was coming to a close.

This second job search was a strange one - I'd heard about the opening from my brother first - he'd heard it announced at chapel one morning where he was going to school. I sort of heard it and forgot about it...tucked it away as I was waiting to hear on other options. Then, a month or a month and a half later, I found it again, this time posted on a job website. Also, about two days before, my mom had asked me if I'd applied for it. So, on a whim, I applied, sent in my resume, and waited. Basically in my mind, this job was an indicator...if I got it, that meant I wasn't supposed to take a job I'd been offered at home, if I didn't get it, I was supposed to pursue that job. But the waiting this time around was a lot different...a few days later, I got a call from one of the pastors, asking me if I had any questions, and telling me that someone would be calling me for a phone interview in a couple of days. Then I had the phone interview, a week later I had a first interview, a week and a half after that I had a second interview, and a week after that, I got a call offering me the job. I was sitting listening to a jazz concert, took the phone call, went back, and didn't say anything to any of the people I was with. I was kind of in shock. 5 weeks before I had applied...and now potentially had a job...two months before graduation. I told my best friend in the car on the way home...and over the course of the next week or so, the rest of the people I worked with at my current church found out the news too.

The response startled me...an incredible amount of excitement the day after...and I was still trying to decide at that point. But standing in my senior pastor's office, with all the other pastors and half the staff, seeing their excitement, I knew at that moment, though I didn't understand it, that I knew I needed to take the job. I didn't necessarily know why, and the thought of leaving this family scared me, but I knew it was what I needed to do. So I called the church back that afternoon, a full day before I said I would, and accepted the position.

The two months that followed were a blur as I talked to my new staff for the first few times, finished up my last few classes, and tried as hard as I could to suck up every bit of insight and information from those around me in hopes that I would be better prepared for my new job.

Leaving that church was one of the hardest things I've done...I had truly found a family and some kindred spirits there. But, those same things that made it so hard to leave also prepared me for what was to come--not so much because I knew what I was doing, but because I knew I had all of them standing behind me.

Now fast forward five months. I've been working and living in my new community...for better or for worse...and mostly for better. I love my new job, even though it's constantly filled with challenges. Any time I think I've got a handle on things, I get thrown for a loop, but honestly, I don't think I'd have it any other way.

But, as I mentioned earlier, much earlier, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I had a chance for the first time to visit my college home a couple weeks ago, and got a chance to sit and talk to a good pastor friend of mine at the church I left, and had a discussion with him that made me think even more, but on a totally different tangent. A few days before I'd come to visit, I was talking to another friend from there, and was asked if I was ready to come back yet. My answer surprised even me - no. Yes, I miss everyone like crazy...but, even if I was given a shot at that job again, right now, I wouldn't take it. I couldn't. I have a connection here - several of them, actually, though I don't understand all of them. And, just tonight, I came to another realization. Though there are days that in my head I think I should want to come back, I know in my heart and soul that I don't. I miss my family there...but I belong here. Which leads me to the end of my convo with my former pastor - he followed my musings by answering with, 'you know what--I think that's a calling. I think you've found a calling there, and that's why you feel this way.' I was shocked, honored, amazed...all of the above. Partly because I feel like that is something I've been searching for for so long, and didn't find until I stopped looking so hard for it, partly because I think it's scary for me to have a calling and not feel like I have everything I need to fulfill it, but mostly because it made perfect sense.

It may seem I've gone a long way off my original point, but actually, I've finally arrived at it. Being able to have the feeling of being called makes my perspective change on so many things. It makes me understand how I can be content here even when I don't feel like I should be. It makes me understand why I need to go through difficulties here. It makes me understand period. It made me see in a new light. The old wounds are still there...I can remember them, I can even feel them sometimes when I think about them. But, I see them differently now. I understand why they had to hurt, and I understand why I had to undergo them in the first place. And I've got some wicked scar stories to tell too. :)

Saturday, October 07, 2006

You CAN go back home...

Thursday was a great day. I went with the three pastors from my church to a local ELCA conference, which, interestingly enough, was being held at my home church. Not only was I excited to be hanging out with my partners in crime, I was also excited to be doing so in a place where I was familiar with and had connections to.

The ride over was fun in itself...pastors have such entertaining stories to tell. Past experiences, different encounters, all of it makes for quite the interesting life. When we got there, the day got even better--as soon as I walked in the door, I saw someone I knew...and was greeted thereafter with a number of hugs and "welcome homes." It was a different experience than I am used to as of late, living in a new town...and for me to be in a place with my new colleagues and friends, and for me to be the one comfortable and familiar with my surroundings was such a fun experience.

Being somewhere with 30 other pastors is nothing short of amazing. Listening to stories, connections, and recent events is a blast, and especially being in my hometown area, there is no shortage of connections to be discovered.

On another tangent...the topic of discussion for the day was the new ELCA church hymnal, the Evangelical Lutheran Worship, or ELW. It is meant to replace the LBW Green Hymnal, and the With One Voice hymnal, and contains not only many new worship settings, but also new and updated renditions of some of the older hymns.

I wonder what it means for us to be updating our church hymns into newer, more upbeat, more contemporary songs, while many of our contemporary Christian music artists are now going back to hymns for their music, even some of the older hymns. What a strange relationship...

What it means to be alone

I was out on another walk today, and not too long after I left my apartment, I found this tiny shoe lying on the side of the road. I picked it up, awed at it's size, and admired it as I continued to walk. It had to be for a newborn, either that, or a doll. But, there was only one. Completely worthless. Or was it?

Farther down the trail, as I was walking through the leaves that were covering the path, I looked over towards the bottom of a tree, and right there was a group of beautiful purple flowers growing by themselves. I looked all around that area, and could find no others among the yellow and brown leaves. They too were alone, a last glimmer of life among the dead leaves of fall.

I can understand that shoe and those flowers. I myself am in that postion right now, a transplant, a bit of a loner. After graduating from college and moving to a new town to start a new job. I've been here for four and a half months already, but I've only been here for four and a half months. I've been asked several times if this place feels like home yet, and I think almost every time I have answered yes. But, as I was walking along today, thinking about that question, I came to another conclusion. I think I maybe don't feel quite like this is home yet, but I do feel like I belong here.

Like the shoe, I am not yet complete here, and I haven't developed a lot of the close relationships that would truly make this place feel like home. In some places and with some people it is starting to feel like home, but the full transition has not yet occurred. But like the flowers, though I am somewhat out of my element, I am still growing here, and I am learning in the process. In any case, I am here, and I am doing my best to figure out where I fit, and what my purpose is here. It's ongoing, and I think it will be for quite some time. Here's to anyone that is finding their place in life - you'll make it.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Majesty

I was out on a walk on a trail not far from my apartment, and one of my favorite things to do is to go off the trail and explore in the woods, because I have noticed that there are often tiny little out of the way trails that wind around just a few feet from the edge of the lake. I think I've taken as many of them as I can find...although on my adventures last night, I noticed that there seems to have been an explosion in the growth of these wonderful stinging plants that grow right near the ground. I was wearing cutoff pants, so my adventures got cut short.

I walked a little farther down the trail, and came upon another trail that cut into the woods, this one seemed a bit more clear. I walked down into the woods to the edge of the lake, and found a couple of trees that had grown so close to the water that they had begun to tip into the water, and their branches grew out and then down back into the water, making this shaded little cove.

I climbed up the tree a little ways until I was suspended above the water, and I sat there thinking about what we think of when we hear trees. People make metaphors about them all the time, how we should be like trees because they have deep roots that anchor them, and tall branches that reach toward the sky. Well, this tree's roots may be deep into the ground, but they didn't help it stand tall, and the top of the tree curved back toward the ground, not up toward the sky.

However, I think this tree provided perhaps what I considered to be quite a beautiful scene there by the lake, and made an amazing spot to sit and ponder life. This tree had begun to tip...but had not fallen, had tried to grow up, and instead grew out. By normal standards, this tree was a bit of a failure. It's beauty, however, was not affected by its lot in life. It still held its ground, was still a tree, just happened to be a tree in different surroundings and condtions. What if we could respond in such a way...to be bent, but not break, to be forced into less than ideal conditions, and still find a way to let our beauty come through?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Apocalyptica

We live in a world full of darkness. A world where your next step could be your last, where being in the wrong place at the wrong time could mean getting in the way of someone's crime, where stepping in to help settle an argument could mean the wrath of the assailant falls on you. A world where innocent children are murdered, and where people die for living good lives, and where evil men and women reign over us. Yeah, it's a dismal outlook at life, and it may seem pessimistic but....

I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier tonight, and during a relatively short phone conversation, he told me that earlier that evening, he and some of his housemates were outside their house in the cities, and they heard what sounded like very close gun shots. They headed back in the house, called 911, and waited. They ended up finding out later that someone a few houses down from them was murdered. It scared me. People who are innocent end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, get in the way, and end up the victim. What if he had been down the road a little ways? Could it have ended up being him instead? And just a day or so ago...I heard news of a fight at a local high school, where a handfull of students ended up getting suspended, and a couple of teachers and administrators almost ended up on the receiving end of some blows. What is happening here? What if one of those kids hadn't missed? What if they would have completely lost their tempers?

We can play 'what if' forever. And, truthfully, there are dangers everywhere. Always. This was not a once in a millenium occurrence...stuff like this happens all over the world every day. So, it seems we are left with a choice. We can cower in fear, succumbing to the threats of evil, or we can live, knowing that life is precious, and appreciating the lives we are given. We can pray that God gives us opportunities to show love in a world of hate, and we can pray that God gives us the strength to overcome when bad things do happen to us and those we love.

Let us come together, let us live with courage and faith....and let us believe that there is something more to life than this dim world.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Loss of a legend


We'll miss you, Steve Irwin...

Though I am slow in writing this post, I still felt it was necessary for me to do so.

I had just woken up around 11am a couple weeks ago on a Saturday morning, when I got an instant message from my brother asking me if I'd seen the headlines yet. My mind went spinning off in a bunch of different directions, wondering what I'd missed, wondering how much it affected me. So, I called my parents, and I get my dad on the phone, saying he was sorry to hear the news...what news at that point I still did not know. So, he told me...Steve Irwin had been killed while filming a sting ray documentary - by being stabbed in the heart by a sting ray.

I really didn't respond much at that point...I don't know why. I've always been a fan of him - being an animal lover and a bio major for a while, I just kind of felt like I understood him and his craziness and passion that everyone else just excused as craziness.

I flipped on the TV later, still kind of wondering why people thought I'd be so broken up over it, but as I passed Animal Planet, and they were running a set of three shows of his over and over as a sort of memorial to him...and it was then that I finally started realizing that he really was gone. It had always been sort of an offhanded plan of mine to meet him someday, to go to Australia to see him in action...and now, I knew I couldn't.

It seemed like such a waste to me that this was how he ended up dying...like I thought he would go in more of a blaze of glory than some stupid freak accident. It was such a waste that he left behind two little kids...such a waste that a man with so much passion was taken out so early in his life.

Watching his memorial service was odd...something about it that was a little more final...but it was incredibly sad. His father's comment is one that will stick in my mind for quite a while--"Don't mourn for Steven, mourn for the animals, who have lost their best friend and ally..."

So, we pray for his family, we pray for his friends, that they may find peace in the midst of this tragedy. And we also pray for the animals...that others may carry on his noble work...and continue speaking and working in their defense.

He fought the good fight, and died doing what he loved....you'll be missed, Steve Irwin.

The Crocodile Hunter - 1962-2006

Wonder if they know...

People do strange things when they think no one is watching them. I love looking over at the person in the car next to me when I'm at a stoplight and wondering where they're going or where they've just come from, and it never fails to make me smile when I see someone singing or "dancing" in their car, mostly because I do that myself all the time. I people watch when I'm at restaurants or in the mall, and I entertain myself by watching people's mannerisms and such.

Even more strange, however, is what some people are willing to do while people are watching them. One classic example of that is watching how people discipline their children in public, or simply watching how people talk to others that they don't know very well. I'll never forget the brazen greeting I got from a guy I met the first day at my new job, and I am still amazed at the things he says when I am around him. I don't think he's trying to be crass or anything, but I do think it comes across that way sometimes...whether or not he knows it.

I was working the other night when a married couple came in and were talking to each other as they were taking care of some things, and hearing the way they were talking to each other made me uncomfortable just to be within earshot. Every once in a while the husband would shoot me a look, as if he thought I was supposed to be on his side or make a certain comment in his defense or something. I didn't want to say anything, and really didn't, but it left me wondering what their home life is like. Wondering if their kids saw this kind of behavior, wondering if this was a regular occurrence or just a here and there thing.

What would happen if we were all more aware of the things we did, whether in public or in private? Would it keep us from doing crazy things, or prevent us from taking risks altogether? Would it make us more intentional about the things we did? Or would it turn us into people who were so obsessed with what others thought of us that we would no longer act for ourselves? The decision is yours.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The aforementioned pictures

I finally figured out how to resize my photos without Photoshop, and now I can finally post some of them to the blog. These were from a camping trip I took in South Dakota with a good friend of mine. We spent one afternoon walking some of the trails in the park we were tenting in, and the flora and fauna were incredible.

I wonder sometimes how much of life we really experience and how much of it we simply miss because we are flying by too fast, or thinking about too many things to see what is right in front of us. I love going camping because for me, it is a chance to escape some of the "noise" of city life - both sound noise and visual noise. Camping opens up a completely different realm of life, and almost begs you to be more aware of your surroundings. How many times can you say you saw and heard a rainstorm come across a lake, noticed a frog sitting on your car, or just laid out in a field and stared at the stars? I live for moments like those...and wish I got to experience them more often.


A gorgeous monarch...I had to chase after this one for a while before it stopped flitting around long enough to let me take its picture.
One thing that thunderstorms are definitely good for are spectacular sunsets...the way this tree was silhouetted against the sky only added to the beauty.


My friend the frog...he was so tiny!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The power of decision

All of us make decisions every single day. We decide what we're going to eat for breakfast (or if we're even going to eat breakfast), what we're going to wear, how we're going to do our hair, and what we are going to do during the day. Then we head off to work, to school, or just out and about, and a whole new realm of decisions awaits us. I think a good chunk of the time, we don't even realize when we're making decisions...we're simply reacting to the world and what is before us.

Today I was at work, sitting in my office when my boss comes to my door and asks me to work on a computer project. I said sure, met with another person to get the specs, and then went to find the other person I needed resources from. A funny look on her face and a few moments later, I was in her office, and she was pretty upset as she told me that the reason she made the funny face was that she felt hurt because I was asked to do the project and not her, when she felt the project was in her jurisdiction and not mine. I caught myself feeling tears stinging my own eyes for a second and was taken aback, and I went back to my office feeling like I'd totally screwed up. Not only that, but I was stuck...I couldn't say anything else to her, and I couldn't say anything to my boss because then I'd be going behind someone else's back...and then I got to thinking how much one tiny request had affected several people.

First it was just me and my boss and the other guy I was working with, but then it was my other co-worker, and inevitably her family or whoever she decided to confide in about it, it was my friend that I would tell that I was so confused...and it was anyone that either she and I came into contact with, because having that in the back of both of our minds would affect the way we'd react to other things. Also interesting was the fact that very likely, the one who made the decision to give the job to me would never know what else had taken place because of his choice.

I think it would be interesting to follow a decision...kind of soap opera or sitcom-esque...where you can see how things are hapening around a central plotline. I started thinking about what I consider to be one of my more defining decisions...where I went to college. That affected relationships I'd made, experiences I'd had, people I'd met, places I've traveled, and even brought me to the job I am currently working in...and interestingly enough, put me into the position that I am in right now...strange how all the seemingly miniscule things of our lives are woven into one great experience...and how they all intertwine to create who we are.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Floorboards of Heaven

This is my rendition of a story/scenario I heard from someone the other day...I think it's kind of a fun concept, and I had a lot of fun fleshing the story out from the skeleton I had.


One beautiful weekend in the fall, Andy had gone to visit his grandparents. The weather was perfect, one of those fall days where it’s just cool enough in the morning to need a sweatshirt, and hot enough by afternoon to be in shorts. School had just started, and Andy was glad to be outside running around. His grandparent’s house was one of his favorite places in the world. It was a massive old house, a giant backyard to play in, and always had the best sweets laying around for him to eat when he got hungry.

Andy had been through the house so many times, he could almost do it blindfolded. He always started in the same place, upstairs in the bedrooms. Some of the things that his father had as a little boy were still there, toy trucks, an old baseball, even some of his father’s old clothes. He would spend forever looking through drawers of baseball cards and toys, and then move on to some of the other old bedrooms. He looked through trunks filled with things from his aunts and uncles, toys, letters, pictures they had drawn as kids. One of his favorite bedrooms was his oldest uncles bedroom...he had loved to build model airplanes when he was younger, and the room had five or six of them still in there. Andy would imagine he was a fighter pilot, soaring through the sky.

After he finished looking through the bedrooms, he’d move onto the library. Hundreds and hundreds of books, some that were half as big as he was, some that were tiny and fragile, some that he could read, and some that he could not. He especially loved the picture books that had belonged to his father. He would sit in one of the big red overstuffed chairs by the dusty windows and flip through several of them, only stopping when the dust from the yellowed pages got so thick that it made him sneeze. After leaving the library, he would move on to his grandfather’s study. Though this room didn’t have much to play with in it (or at least not much that his grandfather would let him touch), it still had one of his favorite things to look at… a picture of his grandfather with the president—his grandfather had gotten to meet him once when he was a young man, and it showed the president and his grandfather shaking hands, and had a scrawled signature in the bottom right corner that Andy couldn’t read, but he knew that it was the president who had signed it.

After he finished upstairs, he would head down a floor to the room where his grandfather had stuffed several animals that he had captured over the years. One of his favorites was the head of a big bear…sometimes he would imagine that it was one of his teddy bears, only giant sized. He would stalk around in that room playing safari, pretending to run from a stampeding elephant, or proudly standing next to the mountain lion, his prized catch of the day.

When he’d finished playing safari, he would wander down to the living room where his grandfather would sit and read the paper and smoke his pipe, occasionally lowering the paper as his grandson poked around the different corners of the room, smiling, and his grandmother sat across the room, knitting needles clicking away. Andy looked in the cabinet filled with arrowheads and tools that his grandpa had found in the field outside his house, trying to think of the people who had made them long ago. In another cabinet were several trophies and medals, some that his grandfather and grandmother had gotten, some that his father and his aunts and uncles had acquired too. There were a few smaller ones that Andy’s grandfather would let him play with, and Andy would parade them around the room as if he had just won the gold medal in the Olympics.

A bookcase stood in one end of the room, but in it were not books but photos. There were some of his parents, some of him, and even a few old black and white ones of his grandfather and grandmother when they weren’t much older than Andy. Andy loved looking at the ones of his father when he was young, mostly because as he looked at the pictures, he thought they looked an awful lot like him.

Then Andy would move on to the kitchen. He loved the way this room always smelled, a combination between chocolate chip cookies, fresh baked bread, and coffee. As always, there was a plate of cookies sitting on the counter, and Andy would grab one and begin to walk around the room, looking in cupboards that held old dishes and pots and pans. And would pull out several of the pots and pans, grab one of his grandmother’s wooden spoons, and pretend that he was the drummer of the greatest rock band in the world. He played so loud that after a while, his own ears began to hurt. After he put the dishes away, he would walk out into the big entry way where the giant crystal chandelier hung, sparkling in the afternoon sunlight. He’d imagine he was flying in a spaceship, surrounded by a thousand stars, sparkling in the night sky. The winding oak banister spiraled up to the second floor, and he’d gotten caught many many times sliding down the railing. He then looked down at the big rug that lay on the floor, a mixture of blues and reds and greens faded with the years. That didn’t matter though…faded or not…it still made a pretty amazing magic carpet.

About this time, Andy’s grandpa would come out to the entryway and see if Andy wanted to go for a walk in the grove of trees behind the house, and they’d each pick a couple of apples. They would munch on their apples and talk, about school, about what he’d done during the summer, about something Andy had come across in the house that he hadn’t noticed before, or just about anything. After they were tired of walking, they’d start to head back.

Andy had been telling his grandfather about what he’d learned in Sunday school the past week, and right before they reached the front porch and were going to sit on the swing and have some of his grandma’s cookies and ice cold milk, he asked his grandfather, “Grandpa, what do you think heaven will be like?” Andy expected his grandfather to talk about beautiful things like gold and the chandelier that hung in the entry, but instead, Andy’s grandfather stood up and motioned for Andy to follow him. He walked around the house and bent over to open the cellar doors.

Andy loved his grandparent’s house, but he HATED the basement. He’d only been down there twice, and that was enough. It was a dirt floor, and spider webs hung in every corner…Andy was always sure he’d end up with a spider down his shirt. There was one dingy, dirty light bulb that lit the stairway down into the cellar, and otherwise, you had to bring a flashlight with you. Andy could make out a few jars of tomatoes and beans in the semi-darkness, but that was pretty much all that was down there. By this time, Andy was very confused. How could the cellar be like heaven? What on earth was his grandpa going to tell him?

Andy’s grandpa stopped in the middle of the cellar and told Andy to look up. Now, when Andy was in the cellar, he generally kept his eyes on the ground, partly because he really didn’t want to know what was hanging over his head, and partly because he had to watch his feet to make sure he didn’t trip over anything in the dim light. As Andy looked up, he could see little lines of light, sparkles of the light that filled the house that sat above them. Andy had never noticed that you could see light before. Andy’s grandfather began to speak. “I have lived in this house for more than 60 years, and I have walked through every room more times than you can imagine. My parents owned it before me, and I inherited it from them. One of my favorite places is this cellar. Just like you, I hated it when I was younger. But, as I grew older, I would come down here from time to time and just sit, staring up at the cracks in the floorboards.”

“Andy, this cellar is the earth we are living in. Though we enjoy ourselves here, there are many things that make this world dark – wars, fighting, hunger, and other kinds of destruction. But, we get little glimpses of heaven all the time—in the smile of a friend, in a kind deed done by one person for another, or even walking in the woods and seeing a bird fly above your head. It is those little moments, those glimpses of light that make this world brighter, just like the light coming through the floorboards from the house helps light this cellar. That, Andy, is what heaven is like. The light coming down through the cracks in the floorboards of heaven is what give this world light and hope.”
Andy and his grandfather walked back up the stairs and went back up to the porch where his grandmother already sat, with a plate of cookies and a pitcher of milk and some glasses next to her on the table. Andy was pretty sure that this afternoon was one of the rays of light from heaven that his grandpa had talked about.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Suffering as Vocation

The story is told of a Sunday school teacher whose assignment was to explain to the six-year-olds in his class what someone had to do in order to go to heaven. In an attempt to discover what the kids already believed about the subject, he asked a few questions.

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was "NO!"

"Well then," he said, "if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?"
Again they all shouted, "NO!"

"Well then, how can I get into heaven?"

A boy in the back row stood up and shouted, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

Therein lies the problem: You gotta be dead to go to heaven. Consequently, you gotta be dead to know much about the place, as well.

~Excerpted from How Good is Good Enough by Andy Stanley



The title of this post is one of the topic headings of the new Bible study series for the womens' circles in our church. The whole thing focuses around suffering, where it comes from, why it exists, and what we as humans can do about it. The topic of suffering is not something I'm unfamiliar with, not necessarily because I've been through an exceptional amount of it, but more because it is a subject that came up a number of times during my last year as a religion major, and also has come up a number of times in my thoughts and conversations as of late.

Some of this thought process parallels what I wrote in the previous post. Is life fair? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? In the last post, more emphasis was put on what it means to be caught between a spiritual life and a life afflicted with an addiction or a habit that general society considers unacceptable. This discussion focuses more on where those situations arise, or, if the question can even be raised, why they arise.

Earlier this morning, I was reading an e-mail from a friend of mine that mentioned a number of questions they are currently facing, most of them, simply "whys." Why doesn't anyone think religion is important? Why has my life been so easy when others lives have been so difficult? Why do I deserve to have an easy life when I don't think I've done anything particularly wonderful? Why is my child, who is a generally good kid, going through so many struggles? Why don't more people put their faith first in their lives? Why do people refuse help from those who are trying to make their lives better?

After having talked about the why's of suffering a couple nights before, I found myself going back to some of the questions that were raised that evening...questions about how or if you can comfort someone who has lost a friend or family member, and the difference between a 99 year old woman dying peacefully in her sleep and being able to say that God called her home, and a 4 year old boy being killed in a car accident and how almost cruel it would be to use the same comment.

It struck me as odd to hear him say the word "deserve" so many times in relation to the things that he or those he knew were experiencing. Biblically, people were always looking for someone or something to blame when someone was afflicted with a disease or a physical ailment. Whether it was the person's own folly or that of their parents, every ailment or pain that they incurred was the fault of something that had been done. However, rarely if ever was that the case even then, and it certainly isn't the case now. Life, chaos, and evil simply present in the world cause such suffering. It exists, that in and of itself is enough for us to encounter it.

Grace is such a strange thing, as is unconditional love. It is nearly impossible for a frail human mind to grasp the possibility of a clean slate, and even more impossible for that same mind to understand why anyone would want to give that clean slate to such a flawed and undeserving person. And the only one who does understand this concept fully, unfortunately cannot bestow any answer upone us other than that He loves us so much that he can't do anything but give us that grace. There is no deserving. There is no earning. There is no turning away. There is no being better, or worse, there is no good or bad. There is only us, and a God who loves us so much that he was willing to undergo ultimate pain so that one day we might no longer even know what pain is. However, despite all of this, pain still exists, is present in this world, and often times, it seems like pain and evil are winning. There is no good way to explain it, no cut and dry answers that give us reasons for its presence. So, we are forced back to our faith...forced back to grace, time and time again.

Here's something to think about: if God appeared to you and asked, "why should I let you into heaven?" how would you answer? If you like most people, your answer might run something along these lines:

"I've always tried to..."
"I never..."
"I do my best..."

Whether I am talking to Muslims, Hindus, or Christians, the majority of the answers I receive to that question go back to an individual's attempt to live a good life. Why? Because most people believe that good people go to heaven.

The moral? Behave yourself now and you don't really need to worry too much about what happens next. The end. Now let's get back to work, golf, Little League, PTA--the pressing issues of this life.

But then every once in a while something happens that forces you to seriously consider the question of what's next--a funeral, a health scare, a birthday, a glance in the mirror. You don't like to think about it. You rarely ever talk about it. But it is always there. And the older you get, the more often you find yourself pushing it from your mind.

The fact is, the mortality rate for humans is 100 percent. And that bothers you. In spite of the fact that you believe there is something better on the other side of life, you are not at peace. And for good reason.

You see, as good as you are--and you are pretty good--you aren't really sure if you have been good enough. You hope so. And you are certainlyh better than...well...than certain people you know.

But how good is good enough?

Where's the line? Who is the standard? Where do you currently stand? Do you have enough time left to stash away enough good deeds to counterbalance your bad ones?

And while we're asking questions, I'll go ahead and throw one in that perhaps you've wondered about but were afraid to ask: just who is in charge of this operation? God? If so, he ought to have been a bit clearer about how this whole thing works. If our eternal residence hangs in the balance of how we live this, we could certainly do with some direction. A standard. A mile marker or two. Perhaps a mid-term.

"But wait," you say, "Isn't it the job of religion to answer those questions for me?" Sure. Most of the various world religions and their books do exist to answer those questions. Teachers, preachers, ulema, rabbis, priests, lamas--they are all in the business of getting us safely to the other side. Specifically, they are responsible for helping you and me understand how to live in such a way as to ensure a happy ending.

So why are you still unsure? You've been to church. Perhaps yo uattended a few religion classes as a child. And yet, if you are like the majority of people I talk to, you still are not confident where you stand with God. I ran across an interesting quote by Gandhi that underscored the universal uncertainty associated with religious belief. When questioned why he proselytized in the arena of politics but not in religion, he responded, "in the relam of the political and social and economic, we can be sufficiently certain to convert; but in the realm of religion there is not sufficient certainty to convert anybody, and, therefore, there can be no conversions in religions." Now that's helpful, isn't it? Even Gandhi didn't find certainty in religion.

~Excerpted from How Good is Good Enough by Andy Stanley

Though both of the excerpts I included in this post talk about salvation and not grace directly, in my eyes, the two are one in the same. We cannot receive salvation without the gift of grace. Religion - I can't stand that word. It has been misinterpreted and misunderstood for so long. Things are blamed on religion, attributed to religion, and called religion, and people hear them and automatically link them to their own faith or use it as a reason to why they don't have faith in God, and they link it to the faith of others, all of which cheapens it. I believe in God. I believe his son died to save me. I believe he loves me, and I believe that the only reason I receive grace and salvation is because of this love. I don't know why. I don't know why bad stuff happens to me and to those I love. But he loves us still. That is all. And that is enough.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

How good... Grace at Work

I spent the last few days outside the Twin Cities in MN at a music festival called Higher Ground. It was a wonderful couple days - lots of great music, beautiful weather, and I spent the time there with three of my best friends, so it was a wonderful outing. I got to hear MercyMe play live for the first time, and if you haven't heard of them, or haven't heard their newest CD, "Coming Up To Breathe," you should check them out. Among the other artists there were Monk and Neagle, Mark Schultz, Joy Williams, Natalie Grant, and Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. I'd also encourage you to check out some of those artists as well.

The weekend was a powerful one and I left feeling rejuvinated...I love music and I love hearing it live and singing along with the hundreds of other people that come to the concerts. During the second day of concerts, I got a chance to hear a couple of speakers from the MN Teen Challenge choir. One of them shared a message about their past history of smoking and drinking, and at one point during his story said, "and even after I was born again, I still continued to smoke and drink for about the next 4 years." Though this statement may not seem like anything noteworthy or out of the ordinary, it is something I have thought about more than once over the past couple of months. While at a set of classes in the twin cities, I heard a story of a man who had a problem with alcoholism, but, at one point during his life, had met someone who had introduced him to Christ, gotten him to start reading the Bible, and had helped him get his spiritual life back on track. However, despite all of this, he remained an alcoholic, and if memory serves, even eventually died from it. He was a man that had likely read the Bible through cover to cover, perhaps several times, had a personal relationship with God, and yet, was an alcoholic. Yet another story that came to my attention, though slightly different in nature, was from the book Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli. It recounted a comment that he had made regarding someone he considered to be a godly woman, despite the fact that the woman smoked and swore. The people he had said that to couldn't understand how a woman that did such things could be considered "godly."

Now, I realize that this was sort of a roundabout way to get to my point, but nonetheless, I have arrived at it. Each of these people had their vices, but each of them was still living as good a Christian life as each of them could in their circumstances, and in some cases, probably had a stronger faith life than some of their less-afflicted counterparts. However, understanding this and viewing their lives as Christian lives requires a much different perspective on Christianity and the age old question of what is "good enough" (which, incidentally, may be the wrong question to ask). I often feel a lot of times that I am more at ease around people who don't seem to quite have everything figured out, I think probably because I know that I myself am nowhere close to having my own faith completely figured out. Viewing "incomplete and unfinished" Christians (myself included in this category) as Christians requires a different outlook, and a different understanding of what is "pious" and "correct" living. It also means that we have to learn how to be aware and understanding of our faults and those of others, but not be content with leaving them where they are. This is a delicate line to walk--and often a difficult hill to climb.

So, can our incomplete, broken, falling short selves be capable of praising and worshipping the God who created us? I think the answer is yes...and I think those praises are often some of the most genuine and passionate praises that exist.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Memories

I had my first shot at seeing how the church services at a local alzheimers center are run today, a bit of a learning day so that I can eventually lead a "service" there. Once a month, an informal gathering is hosted by the church that I work at so that the residents can experience church there. My pastor led a short message on the lectionary for the month, and it focused on the way that bread is used in some pretty amazing ways in the Bible, particularly the feeding of the five thousand. Though I have heard this story probably 20 or 30 times since I was in Sunday School, I caught myself really thinking about it this morning.

5000 is an arbitrary number, because the women and children of the day were rarely if ever counted when a group was assessed. More than likely, the number was closer to 10,000 people that were hungry and needed to be fed. That was the part that struck me today. Recently moving to a small town with a population of just over 10,000, I wondered what it would be like not only to talk in front of a crowd that large, but to be asked for food by a crowd that large. My mind immediately jumped to the meals that my former church prepared on a fairly regular basis, for around 200-300 people, or to the meals that our cooks prepare at a camp I'd worked at each week for about the same number. I always considered that to be a feat in and of itself...Now multiply that by about 33 -- and you've got Jesus' hungry crowd.

I had a hard time even coming up with a place now where a group that large could go and receive a decent meal with no notice, and for no charge. And, Jesus didn't even think twice. He knew what had to be done. The disciples were as befuddled as I am about how that could be done, but Jesus just did what he had to do and fed the crowd. "He only saw their need" was a phrase that my pastor spoke during his message, and I thought for quite a while about those words. After recently having been on a mission trip, this phrase struck a chord with me - what would it be like to only see the people's needs? To not see their disheveled hair and dirty clothes, to not see them on the street corners as befouling the city, to not see the bottle of whiskey or smell alcohol on their breath, to not see a hopeless person or child, but to only see their need.

As you can see, my thought process jumped around a lot during all of this, but that phrase at the end ties all of it together. We are simple human beings that have a difficult time understanding what it means to see past the surface and then , to go a step further and act upon what we see. May we all see the needs around us, and have the wisdom, courage, and strength we need to reach out to them.

** Another side note: one other thing that I caught myself paying a lot of attention to was the singing we were doing. Even at the Alzheimer's patient service, those residents could remember the words to the hymns we were singing, often, better than the rest of us that were there.

Listening to all of the residents sing, in truth, was nothing of note. Some of them were a measure or two behind, some were a little off key...but, as I sat there, singing along, I couldn't help but think I was singing, at that moment, in one of God's most beautiful choirs. I could almost see the smile on his face.

Monday, August 14, 2006

So I have a new blog to play with...and thought I might just use my first post to put a few of my pictures up. I have a photography fetish, and it is becoming more and more of a tool of expression for me, interestingly enough, a lot of the metaphors I see present in my photos don't become apparent to me until after I take the picture and see it later on. At any rate, enjoy, and maybe I'll have more to say the next time I post.


Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear...kind of an interesting metaphor with the sun rays...
Betcha didn't know chipmunks ate goldfish.

I love this picture...the light coming through the leaves was just beautiful.


A perfect night at the lake.