May the Lord bless us and keep us...no matter what...

What happens when someone tells you to dream what a staff would be like if you could start over from scratch - with a blank slate - from the beginning - ? Is that even possible? Where is scratch - where is the beginning? Who should get to be a part of that process? Can those whose roles fall within the parts being redesigned accurately see what needs to be different? Can we do it without those people?



Is it even possible to wipe a slate clean? After all, it would seem that pretty much everything makes a mark these days - and often the marks are lasting. Some will fade with time, but rarely is an occurrence ever completely forgotten. And, for that matter, beginning a new era - or ending an old one - leaves a mark all its own.

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If someone would have told me that the outcome of the above scenario would have happened the way it did, I dont know if I would have believed them. I still don't know if all of it has sunk in yet...I still sort of feel like it's a dream, that the part of my life this surrounds is just locked in a haze or something. And in all honesty, it probably is kinda hazy - did it really only happen a week ago? Is that even possible? It seems unreal that it's only been a week, that it's been a week, that it even happened at all, that so little has happened since IT happened...

I've been so busy since that I've hardly had time to even deal with it - I feel like I am almost as guilty as everyone else as shoving it onto the back burner...or completely off the stovetop. I talked to one of the bearers of bad news yesterday for the first time since the deed was done, and he asked me how I was doing, and I told him that I've been so busy that I haven't really had that much time to think about it, and he replied by saying, "well, maybe that's good." All I really wanted to do was look him in the eye and go, "yeah, that's exactly it. It has gone so 'seamlessly', namely because unless I am totally wrong, the 'seamlessness' is only by virtue of the fact that HALF THE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN FREAKING KNOW ABOUT IT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still wonder if people really understand what it is they've done...